Being A Catalyst For Change With Your Children

Long before COVID and distance learning . . .

Before mandatory face masks and social distancing and disinfecting our groceries when we get home from the store . . .

Back when it was still socially acceptable to shake hands and share a plate of fries . . .

Yes, back before everything changed, encouraging my students to harness patience felt more and more like a losing battle. It was always me against a 24/7-instant gratification culture of I see it, I want it, I need it, I get it—NOW!

I learned, over time in my career as a teacher, that I needed to find ways to build patience practices into our classroom routine. Overt, intentional ways for students to redevelop the art of waiting.

• I would pass out papers, face down, with the caveat of lost recess minutes or extra vocabulary practice for those who were tempted to flip them over and race through the task before looking at the directions.

• We’d do writing activities that involved describing a real life donut, but they had to narrate about its appearance, texture, and scent before they could begin devouring it to describe its taste. 

• And, if anyone raced to line up at the door to head out to lunch first, strong-arming their way to front? Straight to the back of the line, buddy.

I could debate you on the origins of humanity’s impatience (I, for one, am inclined to throw blame on the microwave), but even my patience has its limits.

I have to ask…isn’t the gain of all things patience-related supposed to be one of the silver linings of COVID? The resetting of priorities? A time for us to slow down, appreciate the little things and one another? I don’t know about you, but sheltering-in-place has felt very much the opposite. I am more easily agitated, worried, and stressed out. I had, for so long, idolized those who got to work from home. That’s the life, I would think. Staying home, working from bed, having time during the day to get laundry done and my house cleaned with a midday workout thrown in to top.

And, yet—here I am. Laundry undone; dishes piled up in the kitchen sink; zero motivation to workout. Impatient with myself for lacking the initiative to live up to my stay-at-home aspirations. 

What would my students think? Would they classify my desire to race through the discomfort of the COVID pandemic as hypocrisy? Would they roll their eyes at my lackluster attempt to straighten up my workspace at the end of the day as I so often have coached them into doing? Would my occasional apathy be jarring to them, such a sharp U-turn from my normal cheerleading persona? Or would they recognize the humanity in me, extending the same patience I have so often sought to afford to them?

I can’t say for certain. What I do know is that we have a prime opportunity to help our students understand that now, more than ever, is the time for patience. Now is the chance to harness our strength to persevere, to recognize that this is only temporary, no matter how long and unending it might feel. 

How do we do this? 

When we barely have the motivation to brush our teeth, how do we instead use ourselves as a catalyst for change within our children?

1. We are truthful with them. We buck the temptation to put up a façade and filter, and we instead use the hard times to teach our kids the skills necessary for communicating authentically. Our kids are far more perceptive than we give them credit for and they require transparency. I have had Kindergarteners give me some solid side-eyed glances when I tell them that I am fine, when really, they know that I am faking it. Be honest with your kids with the goal that they, too, will be comfortable being vulnerable with you.

• “I am really having a tough time focusing on my work today. How are you feeling? Would you like to take a 10-minute walk with me around the block to clear both our heads?”

• “I sure miss having lunch with my co-workers at my office. Do you miss lunch recess with your friends at school? Maybe we should set-up a FaceTime call with them later this week so that you have a chance to catch up?”

And, when this all feels like it will never end, talk to your kids about the hard times that you are all going through. The human propensity to block out  pain  makes it easy to ignore the times when we have triumphed over hardship. Remind your kids that they can do hard things. And, as my mom so wisely advises, reiterate that “it’s not always going to be like this.”

2. Set daily or weekly goals. Perhaps you want to work on eating healthier snacks? Maybe your student could really use some extra time focusing on blended learning or independent reading minutes? Maybe everyone in your household could use a reminder to be a bit more patient?. Set daily or weekly goals with tandem rewards in which you all can share—Friday night pizza; afternoon movie and popcorn party. Children crave teamwork and really latch onto knowing that they aren’t alone in their pursuits. Model goal setting and achievement as a chance to bond over healthy decision-making and self-reliance, all-the-while practicing patience with one another as you work together to accomplish something great.

3. Use this time as a catalyst for building one another up. I used to have my students write affirmations for each other. They would have to narrate three things about every classmate that they appreciated. I ended the year by binding them into a book and taking the kids off camps for a retreat where they would have time to celebrate all of the things that they cherished about one another. 

Your kids crave affirmation during the wonky times in life. Their teachers need affirmation as they begin a school year unlike any they have ever known. I would imagine that your fellow parents need affirmation as they, like you, tackle another season of juggling their own jobs and keeping their kids engaged. Send a quick email; leave a Post-It note compliment affixed to your child’s sandwich. When you receive an update from your student’s teacher—respond to it, letting them know you appreciate the work they are doing to keep them on track. And, while you’re at it, offer yourself some affirmation, too. Here’s one from me, to get you started:

“You’re doing a great job!”

According to Joyce Meyer, “Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”  This will all soon be over, a distant memory of a globally shared experience. History will remind us of it, future generations will ask us about it, but right here, right now,  together we can do hard things.

3 Tips For Students To Connect With Their New Teachers

“There’s only two things that Mrs. Essalat cannot stand.”

A familiar phrase from my annual “Welcome to Seventh Grade” spiel. There were, of course, lots of things that I wanted my students to know. I wanted them to understand my expectations regarding respect for self and others. I wanted them to know my feelings about the language they used and the words they said. I wanted them to know that I would be holding them to a high level of accountability regarding their writing and the power of the pen.

These were all things that we would discuss time and time again. But, before we could get to any of those, they needed to know that my threshold for dealing with two things, in particular, was very, very low.

Throw-up and spiders.

Now, as I have mentioned countless times, I taught Middle School. And, while my students almost always showed me both kindness and respect, they did love a good practical joke at my expense.

So, when a remote controlled tarantula went zooming across the classroom, and a pile of rubber vomit found its way onto my desk—I wasn’t surprised. Terrified, yes. But shocked? No way.

Was their humor cruel? Was I naïve in opening up to them, leaving myself vulnerable? Should their hijinks have caused me to change the way I still, to this day, interact with my students in real and candid ways?

The answer is D: none of the above.

In my 17 years in education, the best and most powerful vehicle I have honed for connecting with my students is being myself. Zero pretense; zero pretending. Because, when it comes to relating to kids, especially for our adolescents in the room, we need to be ourselves. Sharing our flaws and our fears are essential elements of connection. For kids to form true bonds they need to know the truth of whom they are bonding with.

In a world of filters and phony backdrops, we need to ground this generation in the reality that life is often messy and scary and imperfect—a winding, bumpy, unpredictable road. We need to show them that it is through perseverance, and asking for help, that we are able to pull ourselves and each other out of the muck and mire and find the silver lining. That when a spider falls from the ceiling onto a student’s desk, and I-- or you-- are the only adult in the room to save them from said aggressive arachnid, we harness our courage and power to tackle any obstacle.

But, how?

Communication is key. Getting to know each other and developing a shared appreciation for who we are is crucial. Being honest and transparent is the only way to truly accomplish this.

So, as we face a school year ahead that is, at best, going to be small cohorts of students and teachers, shrouded in face masks and shields, separated by plastic partitions and 6ft. of socially distant space. Or, at worst, divided by what could be many miles and zip codes and computer screens and Zoom meeting IDs as we traverse distance learning, it is more crucial now than ever before for teachers to find ways to connect with our students, and vice versa. 

Easier said than done? Not really. Take a look at a few tips and tricks below for helping to connect your kiddos with their new teachers:

1. I’m always espousing the necessity of having your kids write and write and write. So, use this as a vehicle for a get-to-know you game. Pen pals can very much be a current trend, so have your child write their new teacher a letter. Questions for them to consider could be:

a. What’s their favorite subject?

b. What challenges them the most?

c. What is their ideal learning space (i.e. lots of hands-on activities, a quiet space, group projects, etc.)

d. What are they looking forward to this year?

e. What scares them the most?

Be sure to have them end their letter by posing some questions for reply from their teacher to encourage an ongoing dialogue.

2. Set-up a group Zoom with other friends and classmates. We’re doing this in my school community as a way to introduce new kids to a few of their classmates so that they recognize some familiar faces on the first day of school. Gather together a group and invite your children’s new teacher to join in the fun. Plan on having one parent be the facilitator and be sure to have a few icebreaker games at the ready to help fill any awkward conversation gaps (they generally tend to happen!).

3. Arrange a socially distanced get together between you, your child, and their teacher. We are going to have families sign-up for appointments to come by our school yard and pick-up their textbooks, schedules, and even technology. They will also have the chance during this to meet their teachers, in-person (with all the necessary precautions, of course!). I believe that it is really important for our kids to make a connection with their teachers prior to the year commencing, especially one that is solely distance learning for many. With safety measures in place, both teacher and student will have a few moments together to talk about what’s in store for the coming year.

Maybe your school is planning something similar? If not, how about reaching out to your child’s teacher to see if they would be willing to meet you and your kiddo for a few moments, at a park or common space near campus, as a get-to-know-you session—to better understand what’s in store. The time together will help reinforce crucial details and expectations for the year to come, and it will give your kiddo the opportunity to ask any questions that might be causing them undue stress or anxiety. 

Whether it’s spiders, or vomit, or COVID, or murder hornets, or transferring to a new school—this year is going to bring with it a bundle of fears and worries for our children. Let’s face these with them, together, reassuring them that we are going to do everything in our power to keep them safe and protected so that they can continue learning and growing. And, while we do that, let’s also hold one another accountable in talking with them about how we are challenging our own uncertainties. Community is formed through shared experiences—let’s let transparency be a guiding force in building healthy schools and brave students.

The Approach To Reopening Schools: Decoding The Terminology

With the dialogue swirling around what school is going to look like this Fall, I am realizing that there is a plethora of terminology being used by educators, politicians, and pundits alike that may be confusing. Some terms are being interchanged with one another which, I imagine, is leading to even more bewilderment with regards to the safety and security of your children. 

I’m here to help.

Here’s a baseline set of definitions and descriptors to assist in decoding the jargon you’re hearing day-in and day-out:

• Blended Learning: According to Clifford Maxwell for Blended Learning Universe, “blended learning is any formal education program in which a student learns at least in part through online learning, with some element of student control over time, place, path, and/or pace.” Historically, this term has been used to define a combination of students learning through direct instruction from their teacher(s) while also receiving instruction from adaptive software that creates a learning path based upon their unique, individualized learning needs. 

Blended Learning should not be confused with the ideology of blending at-home and at-school instruction together like what took place in the Spring. Instead, parents should be referencing this terminology when their children log into Khan Academy, Imagine Learning, or Freckle for example; take a benchmark assessment to determine their strengths and areas of improvement in a variety of subjects; or  complete a suite of tasks that are leveled and designed to meet student(s) exactly where they are on their own unique academic journey. 

• Distance Learning: Distance learning refers to a student learning at-home, at a distance from their school’s campus. Students are given online instruction and tasks from their teachers and they are to complete these at home, submitting them in video, digital, or written (via snapshot) form for editing and grading.

• Hybrid Model: This term refers to students participating in both in-classroom learning and distance learning. Many schools and school districts are working to implement this system in the Fall with students in smaller cohorts rotating between attending classes on-campus and at-home. Some of these models include having students at home join in with their classmates at school by watching all lessons via Zoom or other web-conferencing platforms.  Other ideas include having teacher’s aides assist with checking in on students at home while the lead teacher focuses on instructing the students within their physical classroom. 

This model relies heavily on Blended Learning technology to be done impactfully, so it is crucial for schools and districts to ensure that their students are outfitted with the proper technology to be able to learn from home. Chromebooks, iPads, hotspots, liaising with local internet providers on families’ behalf, these are the responsibilities of academic communities to make both distance and hybrid learning feasible.

You already know about masks, about hand sanitizer, about social distancing. You know that class sizes will likely be smaller and lunchtime will be indoors. Hallways will be one-way thoroughfares and there will be a bathroom schedule to prevent overcrowding.

So, what comes next? Last week I illustrated what I am doing, as an administrator, to get ready. Success in the Fall depends on preparation, so here are some ways to ready yourself, your kids, and your home for what’s to come:

1. Invest in the practical. School supply lists will likely be very different this year, pared down from their usual robustness, so if you can, email your child’s teacher now. Find out directly from them what, if any, supplies they are going to need this Fall. Will their teacher be doing much pencil-to-paper work, or will the majority be on a screen? Are there classroom supplies that you can help contribute to given the sanitation requirements of  a hybrid model? Extra paper towels, Clorox wipes, bottles of hand sanitizer, or pre-sharpened pencils to add to the classroom cache? A hybrid model is only impactful if everyone invests in its success, together.

Additionally, as I am recommending to my school families, prepare a cache of masks for your kiddos. One on their face as they leave the house. One in their backpack, another in their lunchbox. A Ziploc bag, labelled with their name, and filled with a minimum of five extras that their teacher can keep for them in the classroom if the other options become soiled or unusable. If they are able to wear free dress to school, make daily outfits easy to put on and even easier to wash at night.

Invest in several water bottles that can be quickly sanitized and used on a daily basis with your child as communal drinking fountains are going to be a big time no-no at school. Practice opening difficult snack packaging with them at home this summer as the limiting of person-to-person contact at school will definitely preclude who can help your child open and close their snack packs during recess and lunch. Consider parceling out snacks, sandwiches, and other treats into easier to open pouches and zippered baggies to make mealtime as easy as possible on everyone.

2. Get their study space ready. You’re going to keep hearing me say this. 

In the Spring, when the shelter-in-place was thrust upon us, it was understandable to clear off a corner of the kitchen table and set-up shop for your child’s schooling. But now, that just can’t remain the case.

At best, students will be able to attend class, in-person, part of the time in the Fall. But, that means that they will still be working from home, too. Take time this summer to get their at-home study space ready. Have it located near an outlet so that they can consistently keep all devices charged for use throughout the day. Have it armed with a mash-up of binder and scratch paper, pens and pencils, highlighters, and index cards. Post-it notes are great for marking pages in textbooks and novels as they read and respond. Have a list of log-ins at their desk, on the refrigerator, in your phone—you’ll need these handy. How’s your wi-fi? Do you need to upgrade your speed, your modem, get a hotspot? We don’t need to get caught off-guard this time around.

3. Don’t tell your kids you want them out. This is a tough one for me to narrate as I want you to know that I totally understand the frustration, the impatience, the exhaustion that has come with homeschooling. Zoom fatigue has nothing on the weariness of parents and guardians everywhere who have had to navigate their own jobs while also playing teacher from 9 to 5. And, on behalf of educators everywhere, I want to thank you for your partnership and let you know just how much we appreciate you!

Back when I was teaching Seventh Grade, I clearly remember one (of many!) conversations. This mom, in particular, was at her wits’ end with her prepubescent daughter who was going through a rather brutal hormonal surge. She came in one morning, threw down her handbag, and said to me:

“You have to keep [student’s name] here until June. I just can’t deal with her anymore!”

Certainly understandable.

I have been on the receiving end of many of these same conversations since schools closed back in March, though hormones and teenage attitudes aren’t the driving force—instead, the shelter-in-place is. But here’s the thing—your kids hear you say this. They are on the receiving end of your frustration, and unfortunately, this situation is as out of their hands as it is yours. 

If you need some space, tell them. If you are feeling overwhelmed, let them know that as they, too, are probably feeling the same way. If something they are doing is bothering you or hampering your own work-from-home dealings, come up with a solution, together, to mitigate the disruption. But, don’t joke with them, your friends, or their teachers about how you want them gone. I’ve seen the heartbreak these comments can have on your kiddos—even though I know that is not your intention.

We don’t know what the Fall has in store—but, unlike in March when we were all unexpectedly clocked from behind by COVID and school closures, this time we can claim some sense of control and get ready to tackle the new year, in whatever form it takes, head on.

Creating an Environment Conducive to Learning

“Mrs. Essalat, you worry too much.”

Oh, how many times have I heard this?! Being an educator for over 14 years and a worrywart since I left the womb, my throw-caution-to-the-wind Seventh Grade students used to love to tease me. Some of my most memorable points of panic:

• “Don’t lean back in your chair—you’ll crack your head open.”

• “Don’t run in the classroom—you’ll either trip yourself or someone else.”

• “Pens are for paper, not for people—don’t let that ink absorb into your skin.”

• “Don’t throw a pencil across the room—you’ll poke someone’s eye out.”

• “Playing basketball with a Jolly Rancher in your mouth—you’ve got to be kidding me!”

And, of course, my all-time favorite:

“No running with scissors!”

But, I mean, how can you blame me for being concerned?

A student sliced their finger wide open one day trying to cut a pencil with a pair of craft scissors. Another, while walking backwards on a school trip to Yosemite, broke their ankle and had to head home early. Countless kiddos would collide into each other at recess, use Sharpies to tattoo their hands and kneecaps, go bounding out to the play yard after cramming three Starbursts into their mouths at once. And don’t get me started on the number of erasers that would go flying across the room.

Kids will be kids. Believe me, I get it. Pushing the boundaries of safe play and goading me into having a heart attack are all part of the developmental process of exploration.  But, as we are staring down the barrel into a school year unlike any that we have encountered in our lifetimes, those with a propensity for apprehension—like me—are running at an all-time high.

It’s not so much my fear of getting sick, though believe me, I think that is something that weighs heavily on the minds of educators everywhere. No—it’s far more than that.

• It’s the worry about whether my students will get sick.

• It’s the fear that they will, in turn, spread the virus to their family members, especially grandparents or older relatives.

• It’s the concern over logistics—one way hallways, fewer desks, cohorts of students on alternating days, recess and lunch indoors with no shared supplies.

• It’s my trepidation over the cost of opening under such strict (but necessary!) guidelines—1:1 technology and textbooks; revamped cleaning supplies, staffing, and protocols; hand-washing stations; thermometers and an isolation area for students who are sick.

Compound that with the anvil that is sitting on my chest over the thought of Kindergarteners not being able to learn how to share by collectively pouring through a basket of plastic dinosaurs; Middle School students navigating what would normally be a collaborative art project, now done solo. Classroom birthday parties—stifled; field trips—offline; morning assembly and first day of school festivities—poof! How will my students know when I am beaming with pride over a concept they have finally mastered, or laughing out loud at a joke they tell, when my emotions and facial expressions are veiled behind a face shield and goggles and mask? What do I do when they are sad and so desperately need a hug? No handshakes, no high fives. 

At first I thought a wave and a wink would suffice—I’m not so sure anymore.

All of these hallmarks of the rich vitality that exists beyond the textbooks and homework assignments of an academic community are put on the back burner until who knows when, and I worry that, when we are able to finally regain normalcy, we will have forgotten what those traditions even look like. 

I don’t think that there are many people who are misaligned around the fact that we want to see kids back in school. That is a sentiment that seems to be universal. Students and teachers working together in the same space, sharing, in real time, questions, answers, and anecdotes. We teachers know that we are the most impactful when we are right there, by our students’ sides, helping them navigate through a Math concept, decode the vocabulary in a novel, discuss the evolution of characters or plots in reading. We want to watch how our youngest students learn to grip a pencil and begin forming their letters. 

We want to be there.

We need to be there.

But, the worrier in me has to ask at what risk are we willing to get what we want? Where, in the narrative of reopening schools and reducing funding for those that remain at a distance, is the dialogue around the health and wellbeing of the teachers and staff who run these academic institutions? Educators are essential workers.  

The stance on reopening schools has to take into account how to protect teachers. How to effectively disseminate the PPE, funding, and training necessary to keep teachers and students healthy and virus-free. The Kaiser Family Foundation has said that “nearly 1.5 million teachers are at a greater risk  of serious illness if infected with the Coronavirus.” That’s one in four teachers. 

Big. Time. Worry.

The CDC doesn’t have the answers. The Department of Education doesn’t have the answers. I don’t have the answers. But, what I do know, is that we must, must, must take into account the health and wellbeing of our teachers and educational staff as we talk about the safety of students. Our teaching staff has to feel equipped to handle the COVID crisis within their classrooms. They must feel protected by the gear that we provide to them to ensure that the virus has to fight hard to make its way into their bodies. They need to know that they are essential and that we will care for them, like we care for our students—giving our all to ensure that they remain the vital lifeline to our future they always have been.

So, what’s a worrier like me, and maybe like you, to do? Well, for starters, we need to model for our kids the bravery it takes to overcome fear. They will look to us to set the example, the tone, the courage to forge into the actual unknown. We have to put one foot in front of the other and carry on.

As an educator and administrator, if I am given the green light to open under a hybrid model this Fall: 

• I need to buckle down and get to work implementing the safest learning environment I can for my students and teachers while they are on campus. And, when they are at home, I need to make sure that I am bridging the digital divide—checking in on them with frequency while they work from a distance, making sure that their access to reliable wi-fi and technology is sufficient. 

• I need to educate my students, their families, and my fellow colleagues on how to best protect themselves and one another from getting sick and potentially spreading illness to those in our community. I need to seize this teachable moment as a lesson in benevolence and compassion and empathy, all the while giving everyone practical tools and strategies for staying safe.

• I need to partner with the parents and guardians of my students, maintaining honest and transparent communication to ensure that, if their child is sick, they will honor the process in place for addressing that-- no matter the inconvenience that comes from having to leave work early or stay at home altogether to allow their student to heal.

• I need to work with leaders of surrounding academic communities—to share any insight that I have been given and gain from their perspectives, too. We need to collaborate when it comes to finding and stocking PPE supplies on our respective campuses and create a workable schedule that takes into account the best way for our students to learn and our parents/guardians to work.

• I need to get creative—how can school continue to be the rich, immersive experience that it always has been? Can I run morning announcements via YouTube and have Art class via Zoom? If this extends into Halloween, can we do a virtual parade or costume contest online? How can I get the vibrance of our annual Scholastic Book Fair to translate from behind a screen? I have to make these traditions come to life even if they look far different than usual.

That’s what I need to do. 

But, there’s more. Together, you and I, need to keep reassuring our kids that we are protecting them and working to create an environment as conducive to learning as possible. Because we cannot let COVID, or any other hurdle, get in the way of their academic growth and development. Not to be hyperbolic, but their very future depends on this moment, right now.

Erma Bombeck once said, “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”

There’s plenty to do to get ready for whatever the Fall has in store, and it is going to take a village to get our kids, our schools, and our routines up and running. So, let’s stop rocking and start moving.

Choosing Joy During A Pandemic

During a recent guided meditation, my sage invited us to picture in our minds a room of significance. She encouraged us to map the layout, the shelves, the furnishings—the sights and smells that brought this memory to life. 

I found myself back in my Seventh Grade classroom, the home of my first full-time lead teaching position. Wandering the space in my mind’s eye, I saw perfectly the rows of desks, the back table full of art supplies, the closets housing students’ backpacks and athletic bags. I recalled the portraits of my heroes that I had around the room—Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Cesar Chavez, Rosa Parks—and the rear bulletin board which highlighted my classroom theme each year. I remembered the time that a student left a container of guacamole in their desk during Christmas break and the bridal shower my class hosted for me when I got married. The palpable excitement that radiated when making Paper Mache globes, dressing up for the Halloween parade, or celebrating the last day of school. 

Returning there was like visiting an old friend. And, after being away from my current school’s campus for well over 100 days, the memories of my first middle school classroom nourished me.

Class continued, and towards the end, our guide left us with a parting quote:

“Choose joy.”

A very poignant statement in the midst of our global pandemic and civil unrest here in the United States, it got me thinking about the messaging that I used to deliver to my students in that very classroom I recalled. Directives that encouraged them to see the silver lining, focus on opportunities for growth not failures, love themselves and those around them. Lessons, novels, curriculum that sought to show them how easy it was to choose to be kind.

Now, no one is saying that this was an easy task. Working with middle school students, I would often find that my general optimistic outlook was met with reticence.  Very few of these students were actually trying to be obstinate with the intention of being obstinate. Adolescent angst is just part of the developmental journey, but I refused to be deterred knowing that, in the end, my pursuit of positivity would win over even the toughest of skeptics.

It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure. But nothing worthwhile in life ever really is. And besides, I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of girl.

So, how did I aim to increase my students’ capacity for joy, and what strategies can you use at home to achieve the same?

“Hate gives us ulcers and wrinkles.” That’s how I would respond when someone in my class uttered the phrase “I hate ---.” It didn’t matter if it was a classmate who was annoying them, a food group they detested, the novel we were reading in class, or the Vocabulary quiz I was giving on Friday. The word hate was simply not allowed. I’d use a quippy remark to draw my students into a bigger conversation about the word. We’d talk about the destruction caused by hate. The wars and conflicts, the desecration of humanity stemming from that word. I’d acknowledge that they were entitled to strongly dislike something—the peanut butter sandwich their mom packed them for lunch that day, for example—but that they should never harden their hearts with hatred.

How do you hold your children accountable for  a higher level of language? Do you take responsibility for what you say and about whom you say it? 

No? 

Not to worry, it’s never too late. Take a step back and evaluate how you can model for your kids words, phrases, and jargon that seek to create a joy-filled mindset. And, when you don’t like something, get creative with the way that you express it and make that a rule for your entire family. It will take some getting used to at first, but the positive momentum created will be a long-lasting catalyst for reframing your kids’ view of the world.

Make everything a big deal.

National Donut Day—yep, we celebrated it. A sensory writing activity with Twinkies and Ding Dongs—yeah, that happened, too. We rewrote the lyrics to popular songs, did an in-depth study on how to create an advertising campaign for an original product of my students’ own design, and spent five weeks deep diving into understanding the rights of the disabled in the United States.  Sure, each of these activities were peppered against a landscape of more mundane tasks—like, sentence diagramming, the analysis of literary devices, and the dissection of parts-of- speech. But, the key to any lesson’s success—whether in the classroom or in life itself—is to champion it. Make it a big deal. Usher it in the door with confetti and a marching band of excitement that gets even the most apathetic of audiences to give their jaded negation a moment of pause.

I’m pretty confident that my students will tell you that I love to talk about grammar. That I can wax poetic on the writing process and the use of descriptive language. That my heart literally skips a beat when I get to read, edit, and discuss with a student their written narration. The truth is, if we don’t let our kids see that the minutiae of our day-to-day goings on sparks joy, then how can we expect them to foster within themselves this reaction and response? You don’t have to break out the pom poms every time you serve mashed potatoes at dinner (I mean, you certainly can, if you want to!). But, you can create inflection in your voice when you announce what your child “gets” to do instead of what they “have” to do, whether you get an eye roll nonetheless.

• “You don’t have to help me set the table, but you do get to, and I am so grateful to you for it.”

• “We don’t have to study together for your Science test tomorrow, but we do get to, and there is nothing that I would rather do than help your brain grow in knowledge.”

• “You don’t have to go to your sister’s soccer game this weekend, but you do get to because it will help to build her confidence and feel encouraged.”

Replace the displaced. So often a student would lash out—at me, at a classmate, at a parent—and, I would work with them to determine the source of their frustration. Was my asking them to write down their homework at the end of the day really the straw that sent them into a catastrophic meltdown? Was the classmate sitting in front of them, passing back a stack of papers a little too slowly for their liking, worth the impending fallout that came from snapping at them and having the papers end up strewn around the room? Did their mom’s suggestion to wear a jacket in the rain really warrant the slammed car door? 

Nope. 

Patience is a virtue and one that we must overtly model for our kids. Because, with patience comes joy. With self-control comes appreciation. With tolerance comes acceptance and love. So, when I asked my student to take a deep breath and try their response to me again; when I instructed them to pick up the papers that went flailing across the room and write a letter of apology to the classmate they criticized; when I had them go to the office and call their mom to thank her for loving them and looking out for their best interests—well, in each of these places and spaces, I was replacing their displaced aggression with that of kindness, instead. 

Choose joy. 

It can be extremely challenging in these stressful times. It can appear to be an insurmountable task as we seek to juggle mask wearing and homeschooling while working from home and worrying about the fractured state of humanity and what life is going to look like in a post-COVID reality. But, the truth is, this is the best time to join our kids on an adventure, armed with our rose colored glasses, to find the reasons to be glad.

Failure IS An Option

My first year of teaching was, as I will share in my upcoming book, The Overly Honest Teacher,  a very, very rocky road. As an educator who firmly believes in the power of collective novel studies, I kicked off the year reading Breaking Through by Francisco Jimenez with my class. Aiming to expand my students’ understanding of the migrant experience—the novel’s central theme—I pulled additional stories and accounts from several other books, most describing the perils and heartache that so many migrant families experience.

By mid-October I was absolutely exhausted. Learning the ropes of being a first-year teacher had me absolutely spent—I was working days, nights, weekends, trying to keep up with grading, lesson planning, and figuring out how to handle my classroom full of pre-pubescent Seventh Grade students. Sleep was at a minimum, and stress was at an all-time high. Needless to say, my attention-to-detail at this juncture had taken a full hiatus—unbeknownst to me, of course-- as I was just too tired to realize it. 

So, one morning, I decided to start class with a non-fictional narrative of two migrant farmers who were stuck in a field as a crop duster flew overhead, dousing them in pesticide. The story itself was harrowing and gut-wrenching and all the things that I wanted my students to know about the inequity that exists in our agricultural industry. But, as every student was holding their copy of the prose and taking turns reading it aloud, my eyes glanced ahead one paragraph—a normal strategy I use in making sure that I am aware of what’s to come in any story. 

But, this time, I discovered content of a whole different kind. I panicked. There, in all its printed glory, was the mother of all curse words: F - - k. 

To say I lost my mind momentarily is an understatement. I am a stickler for language. My classroom always had a large cache of dictionaries and thesauruses for students to peruse; we’d run spelling bees with SAT words; pause when reading aloud to decipher and define any unknown terminology; and, I had, as I still do today, a zero-tolerance policy for derogatory language of any kind. So, you can imagine my utter disbelief… shock... horror in realizing that not only did I fail to screen this story properly ahead of time and catch that word, but I passed it out to every one of my students.

Meredith! Are you kidding me?!

What do I do? Can I run away?

I’m so fired for this.

How is this even happening right now?!

Just a few points of inner-dialogue with myself in that moment.

Frantically, I raced around the room, up one aisle and down the other, snatching packets from every student’s grasp like they were on fire. My kids were already accustomed, as most pre-teens are, to looking at me like I was a crazy person, so this seemed par for the course. Red faced, out-of-breath, and desperately trying to play out how I would explain this to my principal and my students’ parents, all I could do was turn to face the whiteboard and burst into tears. (Not a recommended teaching strategy!)

Did I get fired? 

No. My boss acknowledged that it was certainly a less-than-ideal slip up, but she reassured me that even despite our best efforts, we are going to make mistakes. 

Did my students call me a hypocrite and were they forever scarred because of this? 

No. They actually made me a card, all signed it, told me that it was going to be okay.

Did I learn from this moment? 

YES! 

Failing is a chance for us to grow. It’s a moment in time when we learn some of the greatest lessons that life can teach us. This epic failure of mine highlighted my students’ capacity for grace and understanding. This failure taught me the necessity of slowing down, making time and space for paying better attention to details, screening my work as I so often remind my students to do. This failure still repeats to me, so many times, how important it is to forgive ourselves for the screw ups, the missteps, the “I can’t believe I just said that … did that … bungled that” moments which we are all prone to making. 

So, I have to ask-- how do you handle failure in your family? 

• Is it something that is scorned and silenced, or embraced and reassured?

• Do your kids know that it’s okay to try something and fail at it? 

• Do they see you fail and fix your mistakes? 

• Do you hear you apologize for an expletive uttered, a hand gesture given, an impatient clap back when you have no more patience left to give?

Our kids look to us to set the bar for how they should relate to the world. If we give them the grace to know that they aren’t always going to get it right, aren’t always going to have the correct answer or make the right decision, then we are freeing them from the paralysis caused by the fear of failure. We are allowing them to take a step out of the nest, knowing that we will be there to catch them if they fall. It is our responsibility to teach them the importance of making sound decisions, thinking before they talk and act, assuming the tenacity to study for a test, prep for a presentation in class, attend basketball practice regularly to be ready for the weekend’s big game. But, for all of us, even our best attempts can often yield lackluster results, and it is essential that we encourage our kids to get back up, dust off their bruised confidence, and go right back to trying once again.

How can you do this? 

• Make conversations around failure an intentional practice. 

• Encourage your kids to try things, on their own, and cheer them on even if it doesn’t end exactly as you hope or they plan.

• Strategize with them, when they fail, about how they could have done things differently and what they will do, instead, in the future.

• Don’t expect perfection—from yourself, from your kids, from everyone else. 

• Hope for the best. Plan for the worst. Learn from the in-between. 

There are a lot of naughty “F” words out there—let’s not let Failure be one of them.

How to Reinforce Teamwork and Community for Your Kids This Summer

I was taking out the trash one evening during the shelter-in-place, and I began to think about how much I actually dislike this task. The unsightly mess of the garbage itself, piled high within the thin plastic veil of the bag, tied up at the top like some unwanted gift. I find myself, day-in and day-out, hurling it down our floor’s chute with both disdain for the chore and elation for the purge.

If left to my own devices, I must admit that I would somehow find myself the protagonist of Shel Silverstein’s Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out. 

“Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would not take the garbage out!
She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans,
Candy the yams and spice the hams,
And though her daddy would scream and shout,
She simply would not take the garbage out.”

It is one of my all-time favorite pieces of prose, and I would teach this poem every year in my Language Arts classes. In fact, when given the chance to substitute now, even as a principal, it is one of my go-to lessons. There are so many ways in which to instruct the value of this poem. It highlights adjective-use and hyperbole. It showcases the wit and humor that the reputation of poetry often lacks. You can use it to help students understand rhyming patterns. 

Or, in my case, you can use it to highlight the necessity of teamwork.

The removal of students from the day-to-day classroom environment has meant that so many lessons, indistinct and overt, have fallen by the wayside: 

• Students cultivating the value of sharing with one another and developing patience for those classmates who really rub them the wrong way.

• The adherence to a schedule and the formality of starting their day with the routine of getting up and out the door, readying for a full day of exploration and discovery.

• Navigating the variety of interactions and communication styles-- from the Uber driver, the bus driver, or the neighbors with whom they carpool, to their teachers, classmates, yard duty supervisors, and even their principal.

So much has been muted.

And, as I was taking out the trash, I realized that classroom responsibilities, too, have been forsaken. 

Wondering what I’m referring to? 

Let me explain.

In many classrooms, primary grades specifically, students are given certain jobs. Sometimes they rotate on a weekly basis, other times they are assigned at the start of a quarter or semester. They can range in responsibility, from door opener to hand sanitizer dispenser to paper-passer-outer. Some of these jobs are more desirable than others, but the beauty of the system is that it instills in students a sense of responsibility for self, for others, and for the school as a whole.

Additionally, schools often offer other ways for students to not only contribute in the form of classroom chores but also provide a myriad of ways for them to expand their propensity for leadership and benevolence, both of which contribute to the greater academic community:

• Student Council

• Outreach projects and volunteer initiatives

• Conflict resolvers at recess

• Buddy projects (when older students are paired with younger students to offer help or mentorship)

These responsibilities help to instill in our students an understanding for the necessity of giving back, assisting others, jumping in to find a solution to a problem or fill in where there is need.

Some students are born helpers—they love nothing more than to be the first one to answer a question in class, volunteer to pass out glue sticks for an arts and crafts project, walk every classmate to the office who needs a Band-Aid. Others, however, need some coaxing. And, this isn’t a terrible thing.

One of the best parts about being a teacher is helping to coach a child as they discover their humanity, their compassion, their generosity.

I used to take my class to volunteer in San Francisco each year, and in tandem with that, we would host a drive of some kind at school. Socks, t-shirts, blankets—we’d collect as many items as we could and pass them out to residents on the street as we made our way to the day’s volunteer project. It always blew my mind to see how much the class enjoyed giving back to others. Even those students who were more reticent at first eventually found  joy in working with their classmates to benefit someone else.

So, I ask you—how are you holding your children accountable, at home, in contributing to the betterment of your household?

Sure, you may not need anyone to sharpen a class set of pencils or disperse hand sanitizer before lunch, but you can definitely assign chores and other tasks that instill in them the same sense of teamwork and camaraderie that classroom responsibilities do at school:

Chores That Instill Teamwork and Camaraderie

• Folding laundry

• Making their bed

• Setting and clearing the table

• Taking out the trash or emptying wastebaskets around the house

• Loading and unloading the dishwasher

• Watering indoor/outdoor plants

• Helping make breakfast or lunch for themselves or others

• Keeping their study area tidy, including pushing in their chair when done for the day

• Writing notes of affirmation for other family members

There are no tasks too small to make a difference in how your child views their place in the world—no tasks too minor to help them recognize that they are part of a much larger community that finds its purpose in helping one another thrive. 

“At last the garbage reached so high
That it finally touched the sky.
And all the neighbors moved away,
And none of her friends would come to play.
And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said,
"OK, I'll take the garbage out!"
But then, of course, it was too late. . .
The garbage reached across the state,
From New York to the Golden Gate.
And there, in the garbage she did hate,
Poor Sarah met an awful fate,
That I cannot now relate
Because the hour is much too late.
But children, remember Sarah Stout
And always take the garbage out!”

So, as Shel Silverstein so wisely advises:

Use the summer months ahead to help your children recognize the intrinsic satisfaction that comes from pitching in, stepping up, and giving back.

3 Actions Parents Can Take to Teach Their Kids About Racial Injustice and Black Lives Matter

I understand that I will never understand. But, I will stand.

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I recently delivered a graduation address to my formidable Class of 2020. And in it, I talked about my school community, comparing it to Wonderland—“a place filled with a beautifully diverse and unique cast of characters.” I wrote this speech in the weeks prior to the killing of George Floyd. I wrote it long before the palpitating civil unrest we currently face could ever have been in my mind’s eye.

The truth is—I have been left without words since Monday, May 25, 2020. I have been overwhelmed by the same shock, disbelief, anger, grief, and devastation that is shared across our nation. And, as a school leader, I have wanted to say something. So many things. Because I need my students to know that I see them—I see their intellect, their courage, their integrity, their tenacity. I celebrate their creativity and charisma. I delight in their wit, value their opinions, and embrace their perspectives. I champion the hopes and dreams and aspirations that they each have for their futures. 

But, I also recognize fully that I am a white woman at the helm of a school community that is, as I noted, beautifully diverse: 42% Latino, 22% African-American, 18% Filipino-American, and 16% multi-ethnic. I love each of these children with a fervor I can only imagine to be fractionally akin to the adoration of their parents/guardians. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do to protect them; I want them to have the world.

But, when I saw the following image on social media, my heart stopped:

And, I say this with no exaggeration, for I was truly stunned. I can empathize with my students’ struggles; I can condemn the racially charged epithets of small-minded bullies; I can cry with my community over the devastating truth that our nation is so fractured, so archaic in its cultural unification. But, I can never understand the fear and marginalization that crowds their realities, simply because of the skin color into which they were born.

And, I don’t want to be just another white person chiming in with sympathies. 

I need to continue being an ally.

I need to use my privilege and power to ensure that these kids have every opportunity available to them. 

We all do.

So, where do we start?

Here are a few ways that I would recommend addressing the death of George Floyd and championing the Black Lives Matter movement with your kids.

Talk to Your Kids! 

Lead With Vulnerability

A friend and I were discussing how to broach the subject with her 11 year-old niece. Maybe you are wondering the same thing with your own children. There is no doubt that they are being bombarded by images of social unrest, destruction, and the video itself of George Floyd dying. Talk to them about what they are seeing and how it makes them feel. Start the conversation by establishing a safe space for vulnerability by leading with your own feelings. 

“I am so upset about what happened in Minneapolis. How are you feeling about it?”

“I’m seeing a lot of startling images on Instagram. What are your friends posting about George Floyd’s death?”

“How can we, as a family, take a stand and be an ally to our friends and neighbors of color?”

Reinforce Your Words With Actions

Be open to how they respond to the latter question. Do they want to march? Do they want to donate money to the ACLU or the NAACP? Do they know about those organizations or others that promote equality? Take time, as a family, to survey these. And, keep the dialogue alive, far beyond the immediate unrest has quelled-- long-lasting change comes only when we actively and consistently seek to instill it.

Address Your Civic Responsibilities

Talk to your children about the November election. Barack Obama said it best: “We have to mobilize to raise awareness, and we have to organize and cast our ballots to make sure that we elect candidates who will act on reform.” Our children need to know that their voices matter. They need to know that the ballots they themselves will one day cast are catalysts for change in this nation. They need to see you put your heartache and frustration into action by going to the polls this Fall. Take them with you when you vote or fill out your absentee ballot with them so that they understand the collective power that comes from citizens making informed choices. And, before that day arrives, research with them the measures proposed for your city; discuss the backgrounds and positions and parties of those seeking elected office. 

Use the Summer Months for Exploration

Summer Reading To Embrace Diversity & Understand Equality

Yes, your child will have homework over the summer, and it is likely going to include a reading log of some kind. Explore book titles that will broaden their global perspective, enhance their understanding of the evolution of the fight for civil rights in this country, and bolster their knowledge about those who have pioneered a path towards equality. Here’s a great list of 31 books to get you started. Oh, and don’t be afraid to use children’s books with your older students, too.  These can still be wildly beneficial to building within them a deep appreciation regarding the struggle for equality that has plagued our nation.

Dig Into the History

Even though your capacity to travel may be limited this summer due to the ongoing shelter-in-place restrictions, you can still take a virtual tour of the historic sites significant to the Civil Rights Movement. Utilize summer evenings for family movie nights, using these films as a great means of continuing the conversation around race relations and the fight for freedom so many people of color have endured.

Evaluate Your Toy Box

Take an inventory, with your children, of their toy box. Does it adequately represent the spectrum of skin colors, genders, and body types that will create a foundation for your child to recognize and celebrate all humans, no matter their appearance? If not, check out Colours of Us for some awesome ideas.

As I continue to struggle in finding the right words to say, I cling to the narratives of those who have gone before me.

I recently sent out an excerpt of Maya Angelou’s Still I Rise to my school community as a meditation on peace and perseverance, and I would encourage you to use this as a cornerstone in your household, too.

Because, now is the time for action.

Now is the time to persevere for those whose voices have been muffled by iniquity.

Now is the time for us, together, to rise.

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

 Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

 You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise
I rise
I rise.

- Maya Angelou, Still I Rise

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5 Fun Ways to Keep Your Kids Learning This Summer

Homeschoolers, rejoice!

The end of the school year is upon us, and that means that the daily grind of Zoom classes and Math worksheets and Spelling tests will soon come to a halt.

Now, does that mean that learning during the summer months should cease? Definitely not, as I am sure you now appreciate fully the time, energy, and elbow grease it takes to mold and shape the minds of your kiddos even more than you did before.

Who wants to see all of that progress go away with the impending summer slide? Not me.

So, before the book closes on this year, reach out to your child’s teacher and ask them about summer homework expectations, or, at the very least, suggestions on ways to keep their mind muscles working throughout the next few months. And, if their teacher doesn’t have a game plan in place, take a look at some of my suggestions below for allowing your kids’ minds to continue blossoming during the summer holiday.

Maximize Their Screen Time for Academic Impact

The likelihood of you fully disconnecting your child(ren) from their devices is slim-to-none, especially in the days of quarantine.

So, you might as well use that screen time to their academic advantage by having them jump on their devices and play some learning games.

I’m partial to sites like Zearn, Zaner Bloser, Khan Academy, and Time for Kids, but you can also peruse this We Are Teacher’s list to find other great resources as well!

Make Learning Part of Your Daily Routine.

This one I say over and over again. You’re going to continue spending more time together than usual, so ingrain learning practices in your daily interactions. 

Baking & Cooking

Baking cookies is a great way to drill fractions. Setting the timer to count down the minutes until they are ready is a terrific use of the analog clock for telling time.

Count Your Way Through Your Day

Counting steps along a neighborhood walk, or estimating how many seconds it will take to meander between mailboxes, are awesome ways to weave in number sense.

Fill jars with jelly beans, Hershey’s kisses, popcorn, or dried beans, and have your kids estimate the number that fills each container. The winner, of course, should be able to partake of one of the sweet treats!

Make Vocabulary Fun

Play a game of “synonym tag”: The first player picks the initial word and uses it in a sentence. “I feel happy.” “The pie looks delicious.” The next player has to come up with a different synonym for the adjective. It goes back and forth until someone can’t come up with a new word. The winner gets to pick the next round’s starting term. 

Eye Spy Anyone?

Never underestimate the power of Eye Spy to enable vocabulary expansion and usage, whether at the park, on a road trip, or sitting around the kitchen table.

Read in the morning, read in the afternoon, read at night.

Books, magazines, maps, charts, graphs, current events, poetry—it does not matter! Get your kids to read, and even more than that—talk about what they read with them.

Conversing about characters, events, conflicts and their resolutions and prompting your kids to discuss details will help develop active readers.

And, if you can, aim to vary the genre of what they read. Captain Underpants will always be their go-to if you let them. Use the summer months to incorporate other storylines and story styles. Here are some great suggestions from Scholastic.

Write On!

You will never not hear me say to have your kids write.

Writing is an invaluable skill that takes repetition and rehearsal. Have your child write stories, movie scripts, journal entries, pen pal letters, emails to their friends and teachers.

Kick it old school and order some postcards online that they can send via the Postal Service. Let writing be an independent activity of creativity, but then use family time to share what they’ve written. Giving kids the chance to narrate their writing aloud trains their ear to hear what works grammatically and what sounds wonky. It also builds their confidence in public speaking when practicing around a familiar audience.

Get Creative!

Quarantine has definitely brought out the inner artist in so many kiddos and adults. Chalk outside on your driveway—it can be images, a number line, letter formation, or positive affirmations for passers by. Take a virtual field trip and have your child sketch or watercolor the landscape that they observe. Use newspaper clippings for a historical collage of their quarantine experience. Tour Notre Dame in its 360 degree glory, and purchase erasable window markers to mimic its famed rose stained glass windows at home.

The lazy days of summer are not a bygone reality.

It is crucial for your child to have time to simply be—not scheduled, not programmed—just the beautiful freedom of down time that you and I remember so well.

But, on the heels of the three-month school closure, this summer is more crucial than most to challenge their cognition. So, soak up the sun, but keep your kids’ minds still soaking up all the knowledge that they can, even when they’re set to vacation-mode.

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Do you have a great idea for educational summer activities? I want to hear it! Share your idea on facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn and tag @overlyhonestteacher and #OverlyHonestKids

An Open Letter to COVID-19 From an Overly Honest Teacher

Dear COVID, I’m Angry.

I’m certainly not the only one, as I know you are the recipient of hate mail from the masses. Countless emails, texts, and Tweets, all espousing complete and utter disdain for you and all that you stand for.

As a teacher and school principal, you have completely changed the landscape of education as I know it. You have forced myself and my fellow teachers to do what we have challenged our students to strive against—working from a distance, from behind the filter of a screen. Communicating with one another outside of the physical space we find so essential to emotional, tactile, interconnected development.

You have robbed us of the chance to watch friendships bloom, witness moments of spontaneous kindness unfold, delight in the jokes, antics, and banter between ourselves and our students, each moment so essential to our craft. We teach our children that humans are not meant to live in isolation, but instead, to thrive in community with one another. COVID—you are really getting in the way of that.

Sure, you’ve challenged us to get creative—to roll up our sleeves and dig deep to find ways to keep our students engaged. We’ve had to rely on apps to collect assignments, YouTube videos to instruct students about Art projects, Zoom workouts to prevent them from developing habits of the sedentary. Sure, an iPad and a stylus can help a child form letters, and digitally, we can witness the results of that, but it’s not the same as us inhabiting the same classroom, the same air, the same shared elation when that letter formation evolves into the crafting of a sentence, a paragraph, an essay. Emailed certificates are standing in for the ceremonial celebration and validation that comes from a job well done, and virtual stickers and “thumbs up” on a conference call just don’t have the same oomph.

I speak for myself when I say—I wasn’t looking for another challenge, COVID. Working to shape the next generation into humans of kindness, compassion, empathy, and determination was a big enough challenge on its own.

But now, you’re asking me to do that from afar, all while trying to find ways to get my kids to show up to daily Zoom meetings, hoping that they are being honest and forthright when they tell me that, “Of course I am taking notes!” and “Yep! I am following along with the book we are reading together.” You and I both know, COVID, that you’ve lifted the veil of accountability that was and remains so essential in my classroom. I can only do so much from behind a screen in terms of making sure that the eyes I see glued to the camera as we are speaking are not really gazing just beyond to their cell phone while Instagram stories run continuously in the background and capture their attention far more than my Vocabulary lesson from a distance ever could.

I’m mad at you, COVID, because you have placed an incredible burden on my students’ parents.

The hardworking moms, dads, and guardians who now have multiple jobs to balance. While I have always relied upon teamwork with my families, now more than ever, we are calling upon them to step-in in our absence. To not only continue doing that which commands their attention from 9-5 each day, but now, to also play teacher, counselor, referee, coach, mentor, mediator, nurse, and playmate. You’ve robbed many of my parents and guardians of their incomes, their jobs ripped out from under them with no way to prepare. And, what you’ve stripped away in terms of professional fulfillment, you’ve instead replaced with the worry, and fear, and anguish, and heartache that comes with wondering how they are going to keep their families afloat until you go away.

Go away, COVID. Can’t you take a hint? You’re not welcome here, or anywhere, and it’s time for you to leave. Don’t worry, you will long be remembered, though you’ll likely find yourself mounted on the wall of infamy with the likes of those who came before you and sought to destroy the human spirit. The human connection. The collective human voice that bands together and rises out of the ashes of your failed attempt to destroy us.

So, COVID, I’m writing to tell you that we will not be deterred. Sure, it will remain difficult and unideal to educate from afar. It will not cease to break my heart each time I have to send an email to a student instead of chatting with them in the school hallway, or stare blankly at a virtual facade of them in lieu of their actual face on a conference call. It will continue to boil my blood at each opportunity lost, news of each family that struggles, each report of another who has succumbed to your wrath.

But, we will keep teaching. We will keep creating. We will keep striving to expand the hearts and minds of our students everywhere. We will keep going because, as teachers, that’s what we do. We don’t give up when it’s hard; we don’t throw in the towel when a hurdle is tossed in our lane.

We rise, we jump, we pivot, we persist, and we teach our students to persist, too. And, no amount of social distancing is ever going to change that.

Cold regards,

Meredith

Three Gifts Your Teachers Actually Want for Teacher Appreciation Week 2020

Teacher Appreciation Week could not have come at a more opportune time this year (May 4-8, 2020)  because, thanks to COVID-19, we’re all teachers now.

And, on behalf of educators everywhere, I want to thank you, our parent/guardian community, for everything that you have done to help bridge the gap during the shelter-in-place. 

I know that it’s been a learning process. You’ve been right there alongside your children every step of the way, figuring out how to navigate math lessons, and spelling tests, and Zoom morning meetings. Aiding your child in sounding out words as they learn to read, helping them complete science experiments on the kitchen table, all the while keeping up with your own 9-5 job—you’ve been the receiver to our quarterback, and we are so glad to be on the same team with you.

While it may not be front and center, I do want to make sure that we are recognizing the hard work, dedication, time, and tenacity that is going on behind-the-scenes of your child’s distance learning protocol. Because when you pull back the emerald curtain, you’ll see the true wizards hard-at-work—teachers. Educating from afar is definitely not how the majority of educators planned on ending the school year. In fact, according to NPR.com:

Educators are now shouldering an impossible task: to replicate the functions of school for months without an actual school building. And that means millions of teachers . . . now isolated at home, having to harness technologies new and old to reach and teach every student. America's schools have never had to improvise like this.

We carry on because that is what teachers do.

It’s been amazing to have conversations and be on the receiving end of emails from my own parent community throughout the Shelter-In-Place (SIP). Parents are expressing awe as to everything that goes on, day-in and day-out, with regards to the education of their kids. One silver lining of this quarantine is that it has forced us to do what nothing else has done before: bulldoze down the proverbial classroom walls and expose what it is that teachers actually do throughout the year. 

This leaves us with the perfect opportunity to recognize and thank teachers everywhere for all that they accomplish—pre- and post-COVID. 

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Here are three ways to extend the long arm of gratitude, even from afar:

1. Write a thank you note.

Simple, straightforward, but significant. I know that I miss seeing students, and their work, in person. And, I imagine that my colleagues do too. 

Take a screenshot of a homemade thank you card, a drawing or picture, or perhaps, email them a letter from your kiddo (if you have a student in Fourth Grade and beyond, this is a very appropriate writing task). Seize the chance to put those author skills to work, and encourage them to narrate what they appreciate most about their teacher. Don’t let them settle for the generic (we wouldn’t in the classroom!), and be sure to have a Thesaurus handy for some extra vocabulary expansion. So often now digital communication, in the form of a quick text, is all that we have the time and patience to muster. Creating a space where your child knows that this project is a priority and deserves their undivided attention and effort is crucial.

2. Create DIY Classroom Coupon

No one went into the pandemic prepared for the road ahead. Reaching out with an offer to help would be greatly appreciated.

Many teachers left their classrooms quickly and without much time to prep for the long-term closure. Reaching out with an offer to help would be greatly appreciated. Students could assist in taking down and re-doing bulletin boards for the Fall term, rearranging classroom furniture, touching-up paint, or taking part in a deep-clean disinfection before next year’s class arrives. This would go a long way toward easing  the burden teachers are carrying as they anticipate what awaits them when they are able to return to school.

3. Gift cards for meal deliveries or groceries

COVID or no COVID, a gift card for a prepared meal, especially after a hard day, is always such a welcome treat.

As teachers find themselves housebound all day, with their hours now often extending earlier and later than ever, making it out to the grocery store is challenging. So, the option to have some essentials delivered instead of worrying about finding time to make it to their grocer—well, that’s an A+ gesture of appreciation.

It doesn’t have to be anything grandiose or have a price tag attached at all—modeling for your child the random acts of kindness, appreciation, benevolence, and gratitude are life lessons that will remain with them long after the shelter-in-place has been lifted. 

And, that’s the kind of silver lining that teachers everywhere live for.

Have another idea for a great Teacher Appreciation Week gift? Let me know on social media — Instagram or Facebook

Four Ways to Help Your Kids Cope With Change and Uncertainty

As you are sheltering-in-place, it is likely that you are seeing your child at both their very best and worst. Pancake making dance parties spiral into catastrophic meltdowns. Discussions between siblings devolve into the kinds of battles that Marvel movies are made of. You find yourself teaching the best math lesson that has ever been taught when suddenly, and for no known reason, your child is screaming at you to stop ruining their life.

Sound familiar?

Believe me—as teachers, we see and feel this daily. Maybe the meltdown comes because of a change in routine. Maybe it’s because a student (or, three!) has had enough writing for the day. Perhaps it’s because they would just rather be anywhere else than where they are.

And, in today’s COVID climate, it could simply be that they miss the way life used to be.

A sentiment I think we can all relate to.

But, as hard as this new world circumstance is on you and me, it’s even harder on your child. You and I have weathered plenty of storms in our lives—job changes, breakups, illnesses, the loss of friendships—the list goes on. And, while sheltering-in-place and isolating ourselves from our usual social interactions is entirely unchartered territory for all of us, as adults we have access to a memory bank full of coping strategies to draw upon, while your child does not. Perhaps they have lived through divorce or grieved the loss of a grandparent, either of which is clearly jarring and not to be discounted, but the absolute disconnection they are now experiencing is entirely new.

As a teacher, I always anticipated the difficulty that came with routine changes. I knew that when I swapped class schedules, changed my hair color, or altered the date of a class party, there would inevitably be backlash from a handful of kiddos. I still have former students who call me by my maiden name because the married moniker just doesn’t feel right to them.

I tend to find change jarring and can absolutely relate to resistance.  

But, as the captain of my classroom, I knew that how I reacted and responded to change—whether I saw it coming or not—would mold and shape how my students perceived it.

If I let them see me sweat, meltdown, throw a fit or lose my cool, then I was modeling to them that they should do the same. 

Now, let me be clear:

Is it okay to cry? Yes.

Is it acceptable to be unhappy and frustrated when we are thrown a curveball? Definitely.

Is anger an appropriate feeling when things don’t go as we intended them to? Surely.

Are we going to have moments when we are anxious, impatient, and flat out annoyed? Absolutely!  We are human after all!  

Our kids benefit from seeing vulnerability as a necessary part of healthy communication and resolution.

But we also need to be acutely aware that we are our kids’ point of reference. They mirror what we do, what we say, and how we say it.

How you are handling this quarantine is shaping how your kids will navigate this and any future life obstacles.

Here are a few ways that I approach change and crisis with my students:

Talk about it.

I’ve never shied away from using “I” language to talk to students about feelings. “I am feeling angry”; “I am feeling disappointed.” I always follow those statements with specific reasons for my feelings. Maybe it’s frustration over a poor choice that they made. Maybe I am irritated because a lesson that I was really excited about landed like a lead balloon. Even now in the COVID crisis, I am honest—“I am really struggling with the fact that we’re not in school together. I miss everyone and our daily routines.”  

When talking with your kids, use “I” language so that they learn how to attach emotion-specific words to their feelings. Coach them in qualifying those mindsets so that you can understand where they are coming from and respond specifically.

Learn more about communicating feelings here.

Take a time out.

So often we want to be the loudest voice in the room—have the last word. But, when it comes to frustrations hitting a boiling point, less is more. There have been many scenarios when I would need to address a student’s reaction or response to a particular situation, but instead of us both approaching it fired up and angry, I would give us time to level out. 

Some scenarios need to be tackled in the moment (blatant disrespect or physical aggression, for example), but if you are both coming to a head over a grammar assignment or their lack of initiative on a math worksheet, take a break. Give them time to get up and move around, and give yourself time to breathe. Likely you are both more tense than usual due to confinement and overwhelm. So throw on a three song playlist, and agree to come back together to discuss feelings when it has ended. Believe me, those 10-minutes can and should make all the difference.

Find your new “take a break” soundtrack here.

When in doubt, write it out.

Sheltering-in-place is giving us all a valuable gift of time. Sure, it may feel like it’s never ending, but it is a great opportunity to have your kids put pen to paper and write! Command of the written word has slowly diminished with the onslaught of abbreviations and emojis. Have your child keep a daily journal of their quarantine experiences. Have them write about what they’ve been doing, how they are feeling about it, things that they want to remember when this is all behind us. 

Teachers often use journals as a way to read and respond to kiddos who are less apt to vocalize their feelings. Perhaps you should try this strategy if your child is having a hard time communicating their thoughts to you in conversation—write notes back and forth to one another. It is a great way to bridge the uncomfortable.

Cute & Personalized Notebooks

Super Cool Lego Notebook

6-Pack of Basic Composition Notebooks

Make the “new” an adventure.

If you project excitement, your kids will follow—even if it takes some coaxing. If I sprang a pop quiz on my students, I would soothe the anxiety of those who didn’t like surprises by making it a “lolli”pop quiz, and give a Tootsie Roll to everyone as they completed the task. Find some way to make each day feel new and exciting—take turns having each person at home make lunch for the other members of the household, for example. Hide prizes within chores. Use Jolly Ranchers, stickers, or smelly spots from lip gloss as rewards for getting academic tasks done throughout the homeschool day. The more excited you are about this whole debacle, the more your kids will be willing to acquiesce to change and even disappointment long term.

60 Airheads for under $8

Chocolate Variety Pack for under $15

I won’t generalize, but I can pretty confidently say that nearly everyone is sharing the same feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and overwhelm. There are moments when it feels charming—staying in PJs all day, taking Zoom meetings from bed. But those moments are generally shattered by the reality that life as we knew it is vastly different. 

You‘ll never get this time with your kids back. You won’t get the chance to be present for those “aha” moments between 8AM and 3PM that we teachers live for. Soon enough you’ll go back to being the parent, and we’ll resume our work as teachers in the classroom.

So, instead of fighting it, use this time together as a means of instilling long-lasting coping strategies in your child. And, keep reminding them, and yourself, that this is only temporary.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, Celebrate It!

How to show up for your kids by celebrating their wins.

I feel fortunate to have been raised in a family that celebrated everything: Groundhog Day, half-birthdays, the Lunar New Year. If it was St. Patrick’s Day, my mom turned our cereal milk green; Cinco de Mayo always had a festive table-scape; National Pizza Day meant that dinner was going to be extra delicious that night; and, there wasn’t a first day of Spring that didn’t have fresh flowers around the house and a note in my lunchbox celebrating that we had made it through Winter.

But, this mentality of making every little thing significant went beyond that. If I was having trouble with friends at school, my mom would pick me up and take me out for lunch during recess time so that I didn’t have to feel alone. If I aced a test, my dinner was served on a red celebration plate. When the cold weather got me down, mom would blast the car heater and roll down every window to “simulate summer.” To this day, she keeps a yearly journal documenting exciting memories, significant moments, and even those times that made us particularly sad.  Then, the following year, she’ll shoot me a text to remind me—“This time last year, we were packing for our trip to New York” or “On this day, four years ago, you officially moved to Dallas”.  

My mom challenges me to remember. She invites me to reminisce. She enables me to recognize that my life’s journey is a collection of vivid, vibrant memories and experiences that can so easily be forgotten in the day-to-day shuffle. She enables me to realize the necessity of celebration. 

With our kids more over-programmed and over-scheduled than ever before, it’s a challenge to complete the day’s routine let alone carve out time for additional fanfare or journaling. 

But, those small moments of celebration are going to formulate a lifetime of memories and shape how our children view the world and their role in it. 

Right now, we have a super unique opportunity to utilize our dedicated time and proximity together to create and document special memories, no matter how big or how small.

In my classroom and school community, celebrations are routine—they are both encouraged and expected. Valentine’s Day is a time for students to show appreciation for one another. Celebrations of culture and heritage are marked by a community-wide luncheon alongside vibrant bulletin board displays of heroes from all backgrounds. When I taught Language Arts, I was known to commemorate National Bubble Wrap Day with my students and do a special writing activity in honor of National Donut Day.  To this day, I still have kiddos who come back and tell me what those celebrations meant to them.

They remember.

Celebrating your child’s large and small accomplishments can and should hold the same value in your family’s life as it does in their school. For example, when a student who has been really struggling with understanding how to formulate a complete sentence finally gets it, I make that a huge deal. Smelly stickers affixed to  100% spelling tests or the comment of “This is a refrigerator paper” when an essay is masterfully crafted are small moments of celebration in my classroom. On a larger scale, publicly recognizing students who achieve perfect attendance, earn a place on the Honor Roll, or demonstrate an exorbitant amount of kindness and compassion are ways to celebrate academic and citizenship milestones. 

So, when your child earns a stellar report card or shows improvement in a challenging area, or when they wake up on time on their own multiple days in a row, celebrate! Use those moments for positive reinforcement to make an enormous impact on their motivation, determination, and perseverance long-term.

Two Simple Ways to Integrate More Celebratory Moments

Celebrate Improvement

Preach progress over perfection. Not every student is going to earn straight As. And, that is a-okay! Work with your child’s teacher to determine the threshold of their individual achievement level, and celebrate when they reach it. A note on their lunch-time napkin (since we are sans lunchboxes for a while), a card for them to find on the bathroom counter, an ice cream treat after homework—small moments of celebration over time lead to big accomplishments long-term.

Recognize Random Acts of Kindness

When you see your child do something positive for someone else, let them know that you noticed. When I see a student hold the door open for their classmates or pick up a piece of trash on the play yard, I go out of my way to thank them. To let them know how much I appreciate their contribution to our community. 

If your child does their homework without a fight, empties the dishwasher before you have to ask, or shows an extra amount of grace when their sibling is trying their patience, celebrate these character-building moments in real-time with a high-five or an extra hug.

As you embrace this new role as homeschool teacher/mom, remember that, above all, your kids just want to know that you are proud of them.

Tensions are high and we are all feeling a little extra emotional these days so give them a little more slack for their mistakes and show them a lot more enthusiasm for their successes, no matter how big or small.

5 Tips for Homeschooling Your Kids Like a Pro During Coronavirus Quarantine

Coronavirus Is No Match For Your Parenting!

Here in San Francisco, we’re in the thick of the official COVID-19 shelter-in-place. It’s been toilsome, I’m not going to lie.  If you’re anything like me, the allure of “Netflix and chill” wore off after the first 12-hours, and now you want to climb the walls. And, if you’re a parent, that’s a whole bunch of minutes in which you have been playing mom, dad, cook, housekeeper, teacher, friend, counselor, referee, circus clown, and about 17 other odd jobs you never fathomed would pepper the landscape of your March 2020. 

As an educator, I’ve been marveling at watching how my students are coping with the shelter-in-place. For some, the very idea of not being with their friends, surrounded by the sounds, shenanigans, smells, and sights of their school environment leaves them blind. They don’t know where to look, what to do, how to even begin learning from a distance.

For others, the idea of being on their own and removed from the performance pressures and social anxiety that comes from working amongst their peers is the deep breath that they have, for years, been waiting for. They are doing their work, engaging with their teachers via Zoom, and all around, living their best student lives.  Still, others are as apathetic to distance learning as they are to classroom learning—school has never been their thing, no matter how you package it up. And, COVID-19 isn’t going to change that.

Fair enough.

So, we work together, you and I, to do what we can. To engage our kids to the best of our abilities from afar or up close at home. And, to do so with as much grace and flair as possible, here are my top five ways to thrive both during and after COVID-19:

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Never be above negotiating.

If there is one single thing that I have learned during my 17 years in education, it’s that you’ve got to be ready to compromise. Does this mean that you are giving in to the theatrics of your nine-year-old when they only want to watch YouTube and eat Cheetos for breakfast? Nope. But, does it save you from finding yourself at an impasse every five minutes as you try to ramrod that Vocabulary worksheet down their throats? Definitely. 

Barter with them—40-minutes of Math work for 15-minutes of FaceTime with their friends. Silent read for 30-minutes (they should do a total of 60-minutes a day), and then take a body break (check out www.gonoodle.com). Seven carrot sticks at lunch before they have their Takis or make their bed before they jump on Instagram in the morning.  The more control they feel, especially in times of things being out of their control, the easier it will be to maintain both balance and normalcy.

Set-up a schedule.

Perhaps your child’s teacher has already given you one which mimics their daily classroom routine. Awesome!  If not, I would highly recommend reaching out to them and seeing if they can provide you with a framework. Or, develop one yourself that includes dedicated time to each subject with allocated breaks in-between. Have your child be a part of the planning process—put it up on a whiteboard in the kitchen, on a large sheet of butcher paper in the living room, or lipstick it on the bathroom mirror. Your kids are craving structure, all of the time, but especially during this time of uncertainty. So, the more you can establish a routine, the better!

And, get creative with alarms.  Gone are the days of a basic kitchen counter egg timer, take a peek at these links to online countdown clocks that use visualization to help kiddos understand the concept of counting down the minutes:

• https://www.online-stopwatch.com/classroom-timers/

• https://apps.apple.com/us/app/visual-countdown-timer/id541364004

• https://www.visnos.com/demos/classroom-timer

Designate workspaces.

The boundaries of going to school and then coming home from school are blurred during this time of sheltering in a single place. Create a space that is for “school only.” This can be a section of the kitchen table, a corner in your child’s bedroom, a folding table erected in the living room. Make that their school space, and after breakfast, that’s where your child goes to complete their work. When they take breaks, or when the school day is done, have them practice organizing their materials, pushing in their chairs, etc. just as their teachers would request before they change subjects or head out to recess. Having a specific workspace will also help them to get into school mode versus just hanging out and completing a worksheet or two. With this long gap in direct instruction from their teachers, we need to make sure that their heads and hearts are in the game, albeit remotely.

Have fun.

Fractions can be studied while baking cookies and measuring the ingredients. Counting steps, leaves, trees, rocks, stop signs on a daily neighborhood walk will support number sense. Reading a story together and writing an alternative ending is great for Language Arts. Have your child film and narrate a family reality show to practice public speaking. Dance-offs are great in lieu of P.E. class, a family game of charades to understand vocabulary, or completing a jigsaw puzzle as a means of developing fine motor skills.

We, as teachers, want you to help your kids complete the content that we provide to you during this time of distance learning, but we also recognize the enormity of value that comes from time spent together. Conversations that cultivate communication are essential to your child’s ongoing development. 

Be patient.

It’s not going to be easy every day, all day. But, it’s not always easy in the classroom, either. There are plenty of days when lessons go awry; kids have meltdowns; someone throws up while another spills a bucket of paint. Do what you can. When you can. How you can. 

My favorite thing to tell my students is that they are more than good enough. So now, I am telling you—as you strive to be everything for everyone, what you are doing to keep your kids on track in this time of crisis—you and your efforts are more than good enough. 

Together, we’ve got this.

3 Parenting Hacks For Scheduling Gratitude Into Your Child's Routine.

You Can Stand Under My Umbrella

I went out for a walk this morning. In the rain. In this new age of social distancing. And, on my way back home, I gave my umbrella to a stranger, sitting on the soaking wet sidewalk, clutching a newspaper to cover his matted hair. I didn’t really think about it—no preconceived plan about how I could extend a helping hand to another human. No thought before I left the house of what I could do to shift, ever so slightly, the permeating negativity that has shrouded us all in such a pall. None of that. I just handed my umbrella over to him, knowing it was the right thing to do. 

Now, I don’t bring this up to pat myself on the back. Not in the slightest. I will say that I have never been less bothered by the rain than I was in the moments that followed our encounter. But, being without that umbrella got me thinking about all that I am grateful for. Even right now as we all face the COVID-19 crisis together, there are still reasons to be glad. 

“And most generally there is something about everything that you can be glad about, if you keep hunting long enough to find it.”

― Eleanor H. Porter, Pollyanna

It was easy to give that stranger my umbrella because I was walking home to shelter, and warmth, and a modicum of security. I acknowledge that. But, outside of that, do I give myself the space to continue to stand in gratitude and appreciation on the regular? Do I carve out time to focus on that for which I am thankful? And, even more so—do I teach my students, your children, to find joy in the minutia often enough?

Gratitude needs to be overt. 

The practice of being appreciative is not a given anymore—no, it is a concept that requires modeling, discussing, outlining, and referencing over and over again.

Here’s how I approach it at school:

• When I ask a student for something and they deliver: “Thank you so much for listening to what I said that I needed you to accomplish.”

• When a student complains about “having” to take a Literature quiz: “Oh, you don’t have to take it. You get to take it. Aren’t we grateful that your brain can grow in knowledge!”

• When a classmate holds the door open for them, but they just pass through: “Hold up. You need to thank [student’s name] for helping you out there.” 

In this time of uncertainty, your children will feel a sense of worry, of fear, of panic. Social distancing is a far easier concept for us adults to comprehend than your child who wants to run and play and hang with their friends and go to the park. 

The practice of thankfulness can not only be a great way to re-establish the routine that all kids are craving during this time, but it also is a terrific way to quell their anxiety, too.

According to Psychiatric Counselor Madhuleena Roy Chowdhury, in her article The Neuroscience of Gratitude and How It Affects Anxiety & Grief,  

“Significant studies over the years have established the fact that by practicing gratitude we can handle stress better than others. By merely acknowledging and appreciating the little things in life, we can rewire the brain to deal with the present circumstances with more awareness and broader perception.”

Increasing your kiddo’s capacity for joy and gratitude is a great way to maximize the learning that is going on, both during our quarantine and beyond. To do so, start by creating a schedule that promotes communication, accountability and engages them in regular offline fun.

Below, I have compiled some best practices for each focus and created a helpful downloadable schedule for you to use day-after-day in creating a routine for you kids.

Communication activities that inspire gratitude.

1. Have them write letters. Maybe you set-up a pen pal network with friends and classmates and have kids write letters to each other (note: the postal service is not considered a transport of the virus). 

2. Have them maintain a positivity journal and write about one thing each day that was great, special, or made them feel glad. Go on a scavenger hunt around the house to scope out items, photographs, etc. that hold meaning and special memories.

3. Have them correspond regularly with their teacher(s). Educators feel just as worried during these times as our students do, so having your student be on the giving end of encouragement is a great way to flip the script and nurture in them a sense of giving care to others. 

Household activities that ignite accountability.

Additionally, use this time of quarantine as a means of reestablishing your child’s role within your household. In the hectiness of life between work, school, basketball practice, piano lessons, and four birthday parties every Saturday, it’s easy to let things slide and give everyone a pass from contributing to the inner workings of your home and family. Use this time to get everyone back on board! 

• Empty/load the dishwasher

• Make beds

• Fold clean laundry

• Wipe down bathroom countertops

• Help with meal prep

Not only will it be a great way to cultivate a spirit of giving and appreciation for the work that you, as parent, do on a daily basis, but it will also nurture a sense of teamwork that is so necessary in times of turmoil.

Offline activities that spark joy.

And, finally, use this time of social distancing to serve as focused breaks from social media, too. Your child’s exposure to online content can certainly fuel their feelings of anxiety and uncertainty as well as increase their consumption of misleading information. Carve out time for activities that engage one another in conversation and communication—time to be grateful for family.

• Games

• Puzzles

• Arts and crafts

• Cooking together

• Daily/nightly read-alouds

• Watching home movies

So, while you can’t actually stand under my umbrella (remember that 6ft. of space rule), we can rely upon each other for moral support and solidarity in this time of crisis. Let’s use the quarantine as a means of reminding our kids how much we have in life to appreciate.

To put these tips into action, I have created a downloadable schedule for you to print out and use day after day. With your download comes a sample schedule showing you how to apply these tips to your child’s routine.

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Sources:

https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/

Musical Chairs

What is at risk when schools start closing? The futures of our children.

A local high school is closing at the end of the year.  One of the remaining few single gender schools left in the Bay Area, as an elementary school administrator who works with Eighth Grade students trying to find the perfect homes for their high school careers, I am concerned.  Concerned about the dwindling number of single-gender schools that provide both an academic and social haven to so many students. Concerned about how we, as an evolved society, can allow schools to fledge while corporate earnings are at an all-time high. Concerned about the message it sends to our kids when we rip the proverbial carpet out from under their feet as we parcel them off to another school like luggage misdirected during a layover.

Where are our priorities?

It’s a lot like the childhood favorite—musical chairs.  You remember—everyone walking around a circle precariously adorned with folding chairs as some current pop song blasts from a plastic boombox positioned precariously on a table adorned with bowls of Doritos and Cheetos.  Each time the song is played, another chair is removed, and another unlucky seat loses, well, its seat. And, all’s well and good until it’s you out in the cold. You can giggle and smirk at the poor losers who get out of the circle first, but when it comes time for you to be booted from the game—it’s not so fun.

When we allow schools to close their doors, we are letting far more than a few party goers lose their chairs. We are abandoning our children.  We are allowing fate to be the judge and jury with regards to where these kids go next and how they deal with such unrest. We adults, we’ve grown accustomed to change. Our kids? During their formative elementary and even high school lives—forcing them to relocate schools due to a closure can rock their academic worlds.

In the article, “Five things we’ve learned from a decade of research on school closures”, Chalkbeat describes the outcome of school closures like this: 

In a few cases, students whose schools closed benefitted in at least some way. That was true in four studies Chalkbeat reviewed: in Ohio, for instance, students saw major jumps in test scores post-closure; in New Orleans, closures boosted high school graduation rates by about 20 percentage points.

But these results were more exception than rule. In several other places, displaced students were harmed in measurable ways.

In Milwaukee, for instance, high school closures caused steep declines in high school graduation and college enrollment rates. A recent Chicago study — focusing on the highly controversial round of nearly 50 school closures in 2013 — showed that affected students had lower math scores even four years after the closure.

Consistency and routine are two pillars upon which our children rely.

They provide comfort, a sense of security. And, once those are established, working with them on being flexible, adaptable, and open to change can occur. But, for our high school teens who only have a few short years to get settled in, find their place, and form crucial relationships, closing the doors on their school and shipping them off to somewhere else can be truly detrimental.

Let me explain.

First, no matter how eager an adolescent is to leave middle school behind and head off to high school, it is a transition. They go from being on the top to right back at the bottom, so navigating the perils of a whole new social hierarchy come into play. Secondly, the anticipated grade drop that occurs for most high school freshman is inevitable as they are adapting to a new set of academic expectations and instructional methodologies. The same thing occurs when they head off to college. Compound that with the expectation that the relationships students form with the staff at their respective high schools are a necessity when they begin scouting colleges and filling out applications. If the teachers and staff of a school are unfamiliar with a student’s strengths and talents come application season, our kids could be sunk when contending with the ever increasing competition pool that defines the college admission process.

Take into account, too, proximity to the home environment. For the aforementioned example, if students want to continue pursuing the single-gender pathway, only two options remain within San Francisco’s city limits and any others require a southbound commute. If a student lacks access to reliable transportation, they are already limited in terms of where they can go.  And, this can be said for any school that closes—whether it be single gender, co-ed, charter, or otherwise.

Add onto that the fact that these particular students were officially notified of the closure past when high school application deadlines were due, and now they’re left absolutely scrambling. High schools are already flooded with a larger number of applicants than ever before. And, showing up to the party late is never a good look on anyone.  So, these kids are left holding the proverbial bag and giving fate far too much credit.

So, what’s my point?

We need to make education our priority.

And, I fully recognize that I am not saying anything new with that statement.  But, what I am bringing to light is the desire for us, as a collective community, to stand up and take notice. Recognize that all children and adolescents deserve a seat at the table—the right seat for them. As individuals. As scholars. As humans with the capacity for a myriad of talents—art, drama, Mathematics, coding, language acquisition, and athletics.  The pendulum has shifted away from a one-size-fits-all mentality to one that is, instead, aligned with the idea that unique learning styles deserve differentiation and every student has the right to options when selecting the best school for them. 

When we shut the doors on academic institutions—both long-standing and new on the scene--  we are risking dimming the lights on our students’ horizons. And, if history has taught us anything, it’s that when we limit people’s capacity for education, we limit their propensity to acquire knowledge. 

Sources:

https://chalkbeat.org/posts/us/2019/02/05/school-closure-research-review/

“I’m a Big Girl Now.”

“I’m a big girl now.”

This is what I was met with when I asked a Kindergarten student why she snuck a snack from our after school program.  Well, actually, I asked her why she didn’t ask permission to take a snack in the first place. 

“I’m a big girl now,” was her reply.

She and I went on to talk about the importance of asking for permission.  About following the rules. About how I am an even bigger girl than she is, yet I know that I must remain tethered to the rules of order in an effort to prevent chaos.

“I can’t speed in my car just because I am an adult.  I have to drive slowly so that I will be safe and protect others,” I said.

Where had she come across the idea that because we are older, we have the freedom to do what we want, when we want?

A colleague and I talk frequently about how our students whine and complain about boundaries, but in reality, they are craving that structure.  It’s a strange contradiction—the desire for freedom yet the restraint against parameters of any kind.  

We adults are certainly guilty of it—on any given Monday, we “like” and repost memes about going to bed earlier, drinking more water, holding ourselves to an exercise routine and a diet of leafy greens. Then, fast forward to Thursday when we throw caution to the wind, down three-too-many skinny margaritas at an after work happy hour, and cheat on the salad sitting in our fridge with pizza delivery instead.

Humans don’t like rules.  We don’t want to be constrained to a systematic set of boundaries that will somehow hamper our ability to be in control, to come and go as we please.  Roy Rogers sang it best back in 1944:

“Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above.
Don't fence me in.
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love.
Don't fence me in.”

It sounds simple. It sounds idyllic.  But, the reality is that our kids do need fencing in.  They need bedtimes, routines, limits on their digital footprints and what they watch on YouTube.  Boundaries on the video games they play, the amount of junk food they consume, and clear definition with regards to healthy friendships. They need to know that when they make a poor choice, act with disrespect, or step outside of social norms, there will be consequences. That there is a distinct difference between right and wrong, and that cause will always lead to an effect.

Our job—mine as teacher and yours as parent—is to create a comprehensive journey through childhood and adolescence for our kids.  We want it to be happy, we want it to be positive, but we also want it to be rooted in realism.  

Let me explain.  

What if I didn’t call this student out for sneaking a snack? Or, I don’t hold students who have missing assignments accountable for the tardiness of their homework? What if I allow that fight at recess just work itself out, letting the chips (or, teeth in this case) fall where they may? I let the play yard be littered with Goldfish wrappers, turn a blind eye to cheating running rampant throughout my classroom, let my kids say whatever crosses their minds?  Chaos would be the bare minimum of anticipated outcomes. All out, total mayhem would be more like it.

Rooting our kids’ journeys in realism means enabling them to have a practical understanding of how life works. 

That getting up on time for school leads them to arrive on time to their respective jobs later on. That doing their homework to the best of their abilities will chart a course of responsibility, diligence, and pride. That instilling in them healthy eating habits, an appreciation for moderation and variety, will solidify a focus on caring for their bodies and being open to trying new things.   

Believe me when I tell you that I get it—setting boundaries for kids is hard.  No one wants to be the heavy, the blowhard, the stiff who always enforces the rules.  But, we have to. We’re not our kids’ friends—we are their mentors, their coaches, their teachers, their parents.  Their very future as capable, responsible, visionary humans depends on us lining the bowling lane of life with bumper pads to steer them in the right direction and help them bounce back towards the center when they veer off course. 

Easier said than done?   Here are some tricks I recommend:

Set expectations for your children and hold them accountable.

Start small: weeknight bedtimes; daily homework completion; vegetables, then a treat; wearing a jacket in the winter; chores to help the household; etc. Build on these routines and communicate frequently with your child about why they are essential.

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Have predetermined consequences.

Your child will catch you off-guard.  I have had more conversations and sent more emails on topics that I never dreamed I would discuss with the parents of my students.  Welcome to the unpredictability of raising a child! Be prepared to handle situations in the moment with proactive, restorative consequences that are meaningful to their development.

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Talk with your child about why making smart choices as a kid helps them to become great adults.

Our kids want to know the why. “Why do I have to make my bed?” “Why do I have to finish this chapter before I answer the questions?” “Why do I have to eat my carrot sticks before I have my cupcake?” So, be ready with an explanation. “You have to make your bed because you are part of our family, and together, we take care of our home environment.” “You have to read the whole chapter first because you need to have the necessary information to respond to questions with all of the facts and details.” “You have to eat your carrot sticks first because your body needs vitamins and nutrients to help it stay healthy and strong.”

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Dialogue with them about your expectations and why they are important.

I have found, as a teacher, that my students love to pit one educator against another.  (aka: “Mr. Smith never makes us write in complete sentences.” “Ms. Jones lets me get up out of my seat without permission.”) Maybe your kids have done the same with you about a friend’s parent or another family’s rules. Don’t cave just to fit in with popular opinion.  Let your child know that your expectations are there because you love them. That each family has different traditions and unique ways of doing things, and that you are holding them to your home’s guidelines. 

Sure—initially, they probably won’t like it.  My student didn’t like it when I called her out for her snacking indiscretion.  But, we’re the big kids. We risk the eye roll, we weather the argument, we prepare ourselves for the temporary silent treatment.  And, we show our kids how rule following is done right.

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Sources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_Fence_Me_In_(song)

Wake Up

Let’s talk attendance.  Like others, my school has really stepped up our attendance policy in an effort to hold students accountable for arriving, each day, ON TIME.  Or rather—to hold our parents and guardians accountable for on-time arrivals. Because, I know that it’s a team effort to get everyone up, at ‘em, and out the door before the first school bell chimes (for us, it’s 8:00AM).

I also know that mornings can be rough—multiple snoozes on the alarm clock followed by the proverbial battle of getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating breakfast (hopefully!), and loaded up in the car, on the bus, or even in an Uber.  

It’s a lot to coordinate day-in and day-out.

If you are struggling with on-time arrivals, ask yourself:

“What is holding my family (and/or I) up in the morning?”  

• Is it that everyone is too exhausted when the first (of several) alarms go off?  

• Is it that everyone is scrambling to get themselves organized?  

• Is your child lacking motivation to head to school at all? (Note: this needs to be further investigated to understand the root of their apathy!)

If it is EXHAUSTION: 

According to the CDC, “Teens need at least 8 hours of sleep per night [while] younger students need at least 9.”  And, while it has been proposed that school’s embrace a later start time to the day, until that is a universal mandate, we have to work together within the confines of a more traditional schedule.  So to start, regularly schedule bedtimes—for younger and older students.  

Additionally, if too many after school activities are getting in the way of your child completing their nightly homework by a reasonable hour, you might have to pull back on soccer, or basketball, or chess, or ballet, or piano, or . . . you get the idea.

If your kids are managing their time well, completing nightly homework should rarely be an issue.  But, if you find that your child is burning the midnight oil night after night, then reach out to their teacher. Inquire about how to support the increase in your child’s homework. Is there daily study hall offered on-campus that will help them get a jump start on homework that needs to be accomplished?  Should you have your kids take a break from their devices (outside of what’s needed to complete any research-based assignments) until they are done? Are they not understanding the material taught during the day which makes completing any at-home work nearly impossible? Talk to your child’s teacher about all of these possibilities.

And, if you ever pull the plug and call it a night—be candid about that with their teacher, too.  We have to work together to support not only the academic growth of your children, but their physical wellbeing, as well.

If it is ORGANIZATIONAL: 

Look, we all need help when it comes to getting everything together before heading out the door each morning.  For me, it’s my laptop, handbag, workout clothes, vitamins, mug of hot tea. But, for the average family, between backpacks, books, lunchboxes, gym bags, basketball uniforms, bake sale treats, and ideally a breakfast bar for the car ride into school—it’s mammoth!  But, instead of letting each morning result in a five-alarm fire, tap into tips that can get everyone on the same page ahead of time:

Make lunches the night before.

You can have this be a collaboration between yourself and your child, or as you are making dinner, multitask—boil a little more pasta, make an extra helping or two of salad, and utilize leftovers as the following day’s sustenance.

Lay out clothes ahead of time. 

Have your child pick out exactly what they want (and, need!) to wear the next day so that their morning is already pre-planned. And, make sure that their backpack is already filled with homework, books, and any forms that need to be turned into their teacher.  Scrambling last minute for lost permission slips, a free reading book, or their volleyball jersey will only delay EVERYTHING.

Set timers for each minutiae.

Brushing teeth (set a timer). Taking a shower (set a timer). Getting from bedroom to car, buckled in and ready to go (set a timer). 

If your child is HESITANT to attend school altogether:

 It’s 7:52AM, and your child is dragging their feet—again.  They have fought you every step of the way throughout your morning routine, and now they are at a DEFCON 1 nuclear meltdown about how they hate school, have no friends, and want to go somewhere new.  

Been there.

But, the question that I have for you is—is this a momentary, “It’s a Monday”, the-feelings-will-soon-pass meltdown?  Or, have you noticed withdrawn behavior, more-agitated-than-usual responses, and an all-around complete and total disdain for school altogether?  We all have days when we want to throw in the towel and try something new. But, if your child’s aggravation towards their academic institution and everyone in it is a recurring nightmare each morning, then something is clearly bothering them outside of preteen apathy, so commonplace among our youth.

Is it that they are struggling academically, having a hard time keeping up with the workload and content of such?  Are they experiencing discord with friends or classmates, drastically impacting their social interactions and ability to feel a part of community? Has their self-esteem hit the skids, and they are feeling incredibly self-conscious about their changing physical appearance?  

Any and all of these could serve as rationale for a child being reticent to bound into school each day.  And, together—you and I—need to work on finding out the reason(s) why. Only then can we assist your child with finding solutions to that which seeks to negatively impact their view of school and everything in it. 

Every minute of instruction that your child misses due to either a late arrival or an early dismissal diminishes their academic growth.  Sure, it might not seem like a big deal to miss a Math lesson here or there, or a Phonics activity, or the review of Science definitions.  But, believe me when I tell you that even the smallest cracks in a child’s educational foundation can be detrimental to their future success.

So, forge a family pact—to go to bed a few minutes earlier, to hit the snooze button a few less, and commit to making on-time arrivals to school each day an attainable goal for you and your children.  For, in the words of William Shakespeare, “Better three hours too soon than a minute late.”

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SOURCES:

https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2015/p0806-school-sleep.html

Let’s Talk About Sex

Planned Parenthood describes the following, “According to the 2014 CDC School Health Profiles, fewer than half of high schools and only a fifth of middle schools teach all 16 topics recommended by the CDC as essential components of sex education.” Additionally, a 2016 study both conducted and reported by The Guttmacher Institute found that a far less number of American teenagers are being given comprehensive sex education than in previous years. 

As an educator, this begs me to ask the question:

In a world where information and instant gratification are in the palm of our hands 24/7, how are we communicating less?

Think back to your own adolescence.  How did you learn about sex? Was it a conversation with your parents?  A teacher showing you how to unroll a condom over a ripe banana? Was it a clandestine conversation with friends in the bathroom at recess?  How much of your own sexual experiences since those early days were formulated from those baseline discussions?

I have found myself, as an administrator of a K-8 elementary school in the San Francisco Bay Area, struggling with this very issue.  In a world where our students are bombarded from all sides with media and jargon far beyond their developmental levels, how do we, as an academic institution, strike a balance between too little and too much when it comes to sex ed.?

Conversations about the birds and the bees aren’t taking place at home very often anymore.  For parents and guardians today, there seems to be too little time, too much to do, and more often than not, far too little interest in having yet another cringey conversation with our kids.  But, clearly not talking about it to our students is a disservice, as they will find a way to find a way to get this information. Whether it’s through social media platforms like Snapchat and Instagram or online channels like YouTube, even PornHub, they are curious, and there is an infinite amount of information for them to peruse right there at their digital digits.  

So, it comes back to me, or the school rather, to take up the cross of sex ed. Not a problem—happy to do so.  But, I have also run into the dilemma of parents themselves not wanting to talk to their kids about sex, but not giving the school consent to do so either.  

Huh. You don’t say.  

On the heels of Netflix and Vox teaming up to release the docuseries, Sex Explained, I became curious. Pondering if this was panacea for petrified parents everywhere in avoiding the impending birds and the bees conversation, I sat down and watched the five, 20-ish minute episodes.  An article in The San Francisco Chronicle described the show as “…the most necessary program to hit Netflix in 2020. The rationale is simple: I’m not sure who’s talking to our kids about sex these days. And if anything could do the job well in the Online Age, it’s probably a streaming service that spends more time with them than we do.”

Agreed. 

But, with the first episode of Sex Explained leading with sexual fantasies—the exploration of threesomes, the nuances of BDSM, and how many internet searches look for MILFs—if this is how you play your child’s first foyer into sex ed., oh my! 

From this educator’s vantage point, I see Sex Explained as a great resource for parents and guardians who are on the cusp of having “the talk” with their kids.  In very quick, engaging chunks, the show breaks down facts on human anatomy, the history of contraception, and how fertility, over time, has evolved.  It can be used as a “Just the facts, ma’am” approach to outlining where do babies come from to your curious kiddos.

But, there are plenty of other resources available to you when talking with your child about sex.  Some are more geared towards younger students while others can be utilized for older kids, because, at the very least, conversations about body parts should be a familiar part of discussions with your child from toddler years onward. 

Here’s a few recommendations:

• Who Has What?: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies (Let's Talk about You and Me) by Robie H. Harris

• C is for Consent by Eleanor Morrison

• What Makes a Baby By Cory Silverberg

• Sex is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg

• Not All Princesses Dress in Pink by Jane Yolen

• S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties by Heather Corinna

• Beyond Birds and Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids About Sex, Love, and Equality by Bonnie J. Rough

No matter what medium you use, approach these conversations with honesty and candor.  Your kids are looking to you to help guide them, to point them in the right direction towards making sexual choices with a strong foundation of knowledge.  Your daughters need to know what their period is, how to deal with it, and to not be ravaged by fear whenever it arrives. And, in the wake of #metoo, your sons should understand consent and the necessity of treating sexual partners with respect.  And, all kids—young and old—need to know that they are in charge of their own bodies and are empowered to determine what feels right, safe, and comfortable for them. Teach your children to harness that inner strength and self-advocacy.

   At the end of the day, together—you as parent and I as teacher—need to collaborate in order to cultivate a generation of healthy, wise, compassionate children.  And, if that means biting the bullet, buckling down, and having “the talk” with your child-- my student-- once, twice, or on a consistent basis—then we have got to harness the necessary courage and go for it.  Their sexual foundation depends upon it.

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Sources:

https://www.guttmacher.org/news-release/2016/fewer-us-teens-are-receiving-formal-sex-education-now-past

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/for-educators/whats-state-sex-education-us

https://datebook.sfchronicle.com/movies-tv/sex-explained-could-be-the-most-necessary-show-on-netflix?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=headlines&utm_campaign=sfc_morningfix&sid=5a4e6cb534bf846e628b45ae