Choosing Joy During A Pandemic

During a recent guided meditation, my sage invited us to picture in our minds a room of significance. She encouraged us to map the layout, the shelves, the furnishings—the sights and smells that brought this memory to life. 

I found myself back in my Seventh Grade classroom, the home of my first full-time lead teaching position. Wandering the space in my mind’s eye, I saw perfectly the rows of desks, the back table full of art supplies, the closets housing students’ backpacks and athletic bags. I recalled the portraits of my heroes that I had around the room—Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Cesar Chavez, Rosa Parks—and the rear bulletin board which highlighted my classroom theme each year. I remembered the time that a student left a container of guacamole in their desk during Christmas break and the bridal shower my class hosted for me when I got married. The palpable excitement that radiated when making Paper Mache globes, dressing up for the Halloween parade, or celebrating the last day of school. 

Returning there was like visiting an old friend. And, after being away from my current school’s campus for well over 100 days, the memories of my first middle school classroom nourished me.

Class continued, and towards the end, our guide left us with a parting quote:

“Choose joy.”

A very poignant statement in the midst of our global pandemic and civil unrest here in the United States, it got me thinking about the messaging that I used to deliver to my students in that very classroom I recalled. Directives that encouraged them to see the silver lining, focus on opportunities for growth not failures, love themselves and those around them. Lessons, novels, curriculum that sought to show them how easy it was to choose to be kind.

Now, no one is saying that this was an easy task. Working with middle school students, I would often find that my general optimistic outlook was met with reticence.  Very few of these students were actually trying to be obstinate with the intention of being obstinate. Adolescent angst is just part of the developmental journey, but I refused to be deterred knowing that, in the end, my pursuit of positivity would win over even the toughest of skeptics.

It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure. But nothing worthwhile in life ever really is. And besides, I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of girl.

So, how did I aim to increase my students’ capacity for joy, and what strategies can you use at home to achieve the same?

“Hate gives us ulcers and wrinkles.” That’s how I would respond when someone in my class uttered the phrase “I hate ---.” It didn’t matter if it was a classmate who was annoying them, a food group they detested, the novel we were reading in class, or the Vocabulary quiz I was giving on Friday. The word hate was simply not allowed. I’d use a quippy remark to draw my students into a bigger conversation about the word. We’d talk about the destruction caused by hate. The wars and conflicts, the desecration of humanity stemming from that word. I’d acknowledge that they were entitled to strongly dislike something—the peanut butter sandwich their mom packed them for lunch that day, for example—but that they should never harden their hearts with hatred.

How do you hold your children accountable for  a higher level of language? Do you take responsibility for what you say and about whom you say it? 

No? 

Not to worry, it’s never too late. Take a step back and evaluate how you can model for your kids words, phrases, and jargon that seek to create a joy-filled mindset. And, when you don’t like something, get creative with the way that you express it and make that a rule for your entire family. It will take some getting used to at first, but the positive momentum created will be a long-lasting catalyst for reframing your kids’ view of the world.

Make everything a big deal.

National Donut Day—yep, we celebrated it. A sensory writing activity with Twinkies and Ding Dongs—yeah, that happened, too. We rewrote the lyrics to popular songs, did an in-depth study on how to create an advertising campaign for an original product of my students’ own design, and spent five weeks deep diving into understanding the rights of the disabled in the United States.  Sure, each of these activities were peppered against a landscape of more mundane tasks—like, sentence diagramming, the analysis of literary devices, and the dissection of parts-of- speech. But, the key to any lesson’s success—whether in the classroom or in life itself—is to champion it. Make it a big deal. Usher it in the door with confetti and a marching band of excitement that gets even the most apathetic of audiences to give their jaded negation a moment of pause.

I’m pretty confident that my students will tell you that I love to talk about grammar. That I can wax poetic on the writing process and the use of descriptive language. That my heart literally skips a beat when I get to read, edit, and discuss with a student their written narration. The truth is, if we don’t let our kids see that the minutiae of our day-to-day goings on sparks joy, then how can we expect them to foster within themselves this reaction and response? You don’t have to break out the pom poms every time you serve mashed potatoes at dinner (I mean, you certainly can, if you want to!). But, you can create inflection in your voice when you announce what your child “gets” to do instead of what they “have” to do, whether you get an eye roll nonetheless.

• “You don’t have to help me set the table, but you do get to, and I am so grateful to you for it.”

• “We don’t have to study together for your Science test tomorrow, but we do get to, and there is nothing that I would rather do than help your brain grow in knowledge.”

• “You don’t have to go to your sister’s soccer game this weekend, but you do get to because it will help to build her confidence and feel encouraged.”

Replace the displaced. So often a student would lash out—at me, at a classmate, at a parent—and, I would work with them to determine the source of their frustration. Was my asking them to write down their homework at the end of the day really the straw that sent them into a catastrophic meltdown? Was the classmate sitting in front of them, passing back a stack of papers a little too slowly for their liking, worth the impending fallout that came from snapping at them and having the papers end up strewn around the room? Did their mom’s suggestion to wear a jacket in the rain really warrant the slammed car door? 

Nope. 

Patience is a virtue and one that we must overtly model for our kids. Because, with patience comes joy. With self-control comes appreciation. With tolerance comes acceptance and love. So, when I asked my student to take a deep breath and try their response to me again; when I instructed them to pick up the papers that went flailing across the room and write a letter of apology to the classmate they criticized; when I had them go to the office and call their mom to thank her for loving them and looking out for their best interests—well, in each of these places and spaces, I was replacing their displaced aggression with that of kindness, instead. 

Choose joy. 

It can be extremely challenging in these stressful times. It can appear to be an insurmountable task as we seek to juggle mask wearing and homeschooling while working from home and worrying about the fractured state of humanity and what life is going to look like in a post-COVID reality. But, the truth is, this is the best time to join our kids on an adventure, armed with our rose colored glasses, to find the reasons to be glad.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, Celebrate It!

How to show up for your kids by celebrating their wins.

I feel fortunate to have been raised in a family that celebrated everything: Groundhog Day, half-birthdays, the Lunar New Year. If it was St. Patrick’s Day, my mom turned our cereal milk green; Cinco de Mayo always had a festive table-scape; National Pizza Day meant that dinner was going to be extra delicious that night; and, there wasn’t a first day of Spring that didn’t have fresh flowers around the house and a note in my lunchbox celebrating that we had made it through Winter.

But, this mentality of making every little thing significant went beyond that. If I was having trouble with friends at school, my mom would pick me up and take me out for lunch during recess time so that I didn’t have to feel alone. If I aced a test, my dinner was served on a red celebration plate. When the cold weather got me down, mom would blast the car heater and roll down every window to “simulate summer.” To this day, she keeps a yearly journal documenting exciting memories, significant moments, and even those times that made us particularly sad.  Then, the following year, she’ll shoot me a text to remind me—“This time last year, we were packing for our trip to New York” or “On this day, four years ago, you officially moved to Dallas”.  

My mom challenges me to remember. She invites me to reminisce. She enables me to recognize that my life’s journey is a collection of vivid, vibrant memories and experiences that can so easily be forgotten in the day-to-day shuffle. She enables me to realize the necessity of celebration. 

With our kids more over-programmed and over-scheduled than ever before, it’s a challenge to complete the day’s routine let alone carve out time for additional fanfare or journaling. 

But, those small moments of celebration are going to formulate a lifetime of memories and shape how our children view the world and their role in it. 

Right now, we have a super unique opportunity to utilize our dedicated time and proximity together to create and document special memories, no matter how big or how small.

In my classroom and school community, celebrations are routine—they are both encouraged and expected. Valentine’s Day is a time for students to show appreciation for one another. Celebrations of culture and heritage are marked by a community-wide luncheon alongside vibrant bulletin board displays of heroes from all backgrounds. When I taught Language Arts, I was known to commemorate National Bubble Wrap Day with my students and do a special writing activity in honor of National Donut Day.  To this day, I still have kiddos who come back and tell me what those celebrations meant to them.

They remember.

Celebrating your child’s large and small accomplishments can and should hold the same value in your family’s life as it does in their school. For example, when a student who has been really struggling with understanding how to formulate a complete sentence finally gets it, I make that a huge deal. Smelly stickers affixed to  100% spelling tests or the comment of “This is a refrigerator paper” when an essay is masterfully crafted are small moments of celebration in my classroom. On a larger scale, publicly recognizing students who achieve perfect attendance, earn a place on the Honor Roll, or demonstrate an exorbitant amount of kindness and compassion are ways to celebrate academic and citizenship milestones. 

So, when your child earns a stellar report card or shows improvement in a challenging area, or when they wake up on time on their own multiple days in a row, celebrate! Use those moments for positive reinforcement to make an enormous impact on their motivation, determination, and perseverance long-term.

Two Simple Ways to Integrate More Celebratory Moments

Celebrate Improvement

Preach progress over perfection. Not every student is going to earn straight As. And, that is a-okay! Work with your child’s teacher to determine the threshold of their individual achievement level, and celebrate when they reach it. A note on their lunch-time napkin (since we are sans lunchboxes for a while), a card for them to find on the bathroom counter, an ice cream treat after homework—small moments of celebration over time lead to big accomplishments long-term.

Recognize Random Acts of Kindness

When you see your child do something positive for someone else, let them know that you noticed. When I see a student hold the door open for their classmates or pick up a piece of trash on the play yard, I go out of my way to thank them. To let them know how much I appreciate their contribution to our community. 

If your child does their homework without a fight, empties the dishwasher before you have to ask, or shows an extra amount of grace when their sibling is trying their patience, celebrate these character-building moments in real-time with a high-five or an extra hug.

As you embrace this new role as homeschool teacher/mom, remember that, above all, your kids just want to know that you are proud of them.

Tensions are high and we are all feeling a little extra emotional these days so give them a little more slack for their mistakes and show them a lot more enthusiasm for their successes, no matter how big or small.