Being A Catalyst For Change With Your Children
Long before COVID and distance learning . . .
Before mandatory face masks and social distancing and disinfecting our groceries when we get home from the store . . .
Back when it was still socially acceptable to shake hands and share a plate of fries . . .
Yes, back before everything changed, encouraging my students to harness patience felt more and more like a losing battle. It was always me against a 24/7-instant gratification culture of I see it, I want it, I need it, I get it—NOW!
I learned, over time in my career as a teacher, that I needed to find ways to build patience practices into our classroom routine. Overt, intentional ways for students to redevelop the art of waiting.
I would pass out papers, face down, with the caveat of lost recess minutes or extra vocabulary practice for those who were tempted to flip them over and race through the task before looking at the directions.
We’d do writing activities that involved describing a real life donut, but they had to narrate about its appearance, texture, and scent before they could begin devouring it to describe its taste.
And, if anyone raced to line up at the door to head out to lunch first, strong-arming their way to front? Straight to the back of the line, buddy.
I could debate you on the origins of humanity’s impatience (I, for one, am inclined to throw blame on the microwave), but even my patience has its limits.
I have to ask…isn’t the gain of all things patience-related supposed to be one of the silver linings of COVID? The resetting of priorities? A time for us to slow down, appreciate the little things and one another? I don’t know about you, but sheltering-in-place has felt very much the opposite. I am more easily agitated, worried, and stressed out. I had, for so long, idolized those who got to work from home. That’s the life, I would think. Staying home, working from bed, having time during the day to get laundry done and my house cleaned with a midday workout thrown in to top.
And, yet—here I am. Laundry undone; dishes piled up in the kitchen sink; zero motivation to workout. Impatient with myself for lacking the initiative to live up to my stay-at-home aspirations.
What would my students think? Would they classify my desire to race through the discomfort of the COVID pandemic as hypocrisy? Would they roll their eyes at my lackluster attempt to straighten up my workspace at the end of the day as I so often have coached them into doing? Would my occasional apathy be jarring to them, such a sharp U-turn from my normal cheerleading persona? Or would they recognize the humanity in me, extending the same patience I have so often sought to afford to them?
I can’t say for certain. What I do know is that we have a prime opportunity to help our students understand that now, more than ever, is the time for patience. Now is the chance to harness our strength to persevere, to recognize that this is only temporary, no matter how long and unending it might feel.
How do we do this?
When we barely have the motivation to brush our teeth, how do we instead use ourselves as a catalyst for change within our children?
We are truthful with them. We buck the temptation to put up a façade and filter, and we instead use the hard times to teach our kids the skills necessary for communicating authentically. Our kids are far more perceptive than we give them credit for and they require transparency. I have had Kindergarteners give me some solid side-eyed glances when I tell them that I am fine, when really, they know that I am faking it. Be honest with your kids with the goal that they, too, will be comfortable being vulnerable with you.
“I am really having a tough time focusing on my work today. How are you feeling? Would you like to take a 10-minute walk with me around the block to clear both our heads?”
“I sure miss having lunch with my co-workers at my office. Do you miss lunch recess with your friends at school? Maybe we should set-up a FaceTime call with them later this week so that you have a chance to catch up?”
And, when this all feels like it will never end, talk to your kids about the hard times that you are all going through. The human propensity to block out pain makes it easy to ignore the times when we have triumphed over hardship. Remind your kids that they can do hard things. And, as my mom so wisely advises, reiterate that “it’s not always going to be like this.”
2. Set daily or weekly goals. Perhaps you want to work on eating healthier snacks? Maybe your student could really use some extra time focusing on blended learning or independent reading minutes? Maybe everyone in your household could use a reminder to be a bit more patient?. Set daily or weekly goals with tandem rewards in which you all can share—Friday night pizza; afternoon movie and popcorn party. Children crave teamwork and really latch onto knowing that they aren’t alone in their pursuits. Model goal setting and achievement as a chance to bond over healthy decision-making and self-reliance, all-the-while practicing patience with one another as you work together to accomplish something great.
3. Use this time as a catalyst for building one another up. I used to have my students write affirmations for each other. They would have to narrate three things about every classmate that they appreciated. I ended the year by binding them into a book and taking the kids off camps for a retreat where they would have time to celebrate all of the things that they cherished about one another.
Your kids crave affirmation during the wonky times in life. Their teachers need affirmation as they begin a school year unlike any they have ever known. I would imagine that your fellow parents need affirmation as they, like you, tackle another season of juggling their own jobs and keeping their kids engaged. Send a quick email; leave a Post-It note compliment affixed to your child’s sandwich. When you receive an update from your student’s teacher—respond to it, letting them know you appreciate the work they are doing to keep them on track. And, while you’re at it, offer yourself some affirmation, too. Here’s one from me, to get you started:
“You’re doing a great job!”
According to Joyce Meyer, “Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” This will all soon be over, a distant memory of a globally shared experience. History will remind us of it, future generations will ask us about it, but right here, right now, together we can do hard things.
