Let’s Talk About Sex
Planned Parenthood describes the following, “According to the 2014 CDC School Health Profiles, fewer than half of high schools and only a fifth of middle schools teach all 16 topics recommended by the CDC as essential components of sex education.” Additionally, a 2016 study both conducted and reported by The Guttmacher Institute found that a far less number of American teenagers are being given comprehensive sex education than in previous years.
As an educator, this begs me to ask the question:
In a world where information and instant gratification are in the palm of our hands 24/7, how are we communicating less?
Think back to your own adolescence. How did you learn about sex? Was it a conversation with your parents? A teacher showing you how to unroll a condom over a ripe banana? Was it a clandestine conversation with friends in the bathroom at recess? How much of your own sexual experiences since those early days were formulated from those baseline discussions?
I have found myself, as an administrator of a K-8 elementary school in the San Francisco Bay Area, struggling with this very issue. In a world where our students are bombarded from all sides with media and jargon far beyond their developmental levels, how do we, as an academic institution, strike a balance between too little and too much when it comes to sex ed.?
Conversations about the birds and the bees aren’t taking place at home very often anymore. For parents and guardians today, there seems to be too little time, too much to do, and more often than not, far too little interest in having yet another cringey conversation with our kids. But, clearly not talking about it to our students is a disservice, as they will find a way to find a way to get this information. Whether it’s through social media platforms like Snapchat and Instagram or online channels like YouTube, even PornHub, they are curious, and there is an infinite amount of information for them to peruse right there at their digital digits.
So, it comes back to me, or the school rather, to take up the cross of sex ed. Not a problem—happy to do so. But, I have also run into the dilemma of parents themselves not wanting to talk to their kids about sex, but not giving the school consent to do so either.
Huh. You don’t say.
On the heels of Netflix and Vox teaming up to release the docuseries, Sex Explained, I became curious. Pondering if this was panacea for petrified parents everywhere in avoiding the impending birds and the bees conversation, I sat down and watched the five, 20-ish minute episodes. An article in The San Francisco Chronicle described the show as “…the most necessary program to hit Netflix in 2020. The rationale is simple: I’m not sure who’s talking to our kids about sex these days. And if anything could do the job well in the Online Age, it’s probably a streaming service that spends more time with them than we do.”
Agreed.
But, with the first episode of Sex Explained leading with sexual fantasies—the exploration of threesomes, the nuances of BDSM, and how many internet searches look for MILFs—if this is how you play your child’s first foyer into sex ed., oh my!
From this educator’s vantage point, I see Sex Explained as a great resource for parents and guardians who are on the cusp of having “the talk” with their kids. In very quick, engaging chunks, the show breaks down facts on human anatomy, the history of contraception, and how fertility, over time, has evolved. It can be used as a “Just the facts, ma’am” approach to outlining where do babies come from to your curious kiddos.
But, there are plenty of other resources available to you when talking with your child about sex. Some are more geared towards younger students while others can be utilized for older kids, because, at the very least, conversations about body parts should be a familiar part of discussions with your child from toddler years onward.
Here’s a few recommendations:
Who Has What?: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies (Let's Talk about You and Me) by Robie H. Harris
C is for Consent by Eleanor Morrison
What Makes a Baby By Cory Silverberg
Sex is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg
Not All Princesses Dress in Pink by Jane Yolen
S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties by Heather Corinna
Beyond Birds and Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids About Sex, Love, and Equality by Bonnie J. Rough
No matter what medium you use, approach these conversations with honesty and candor. Your kids are looking to you to help guide them, to point them in the right direction towards making sexual choices with a strong foundation of knowledge. Your daughters need to know what their period is, how to deal with it, and to not be ravaged by fear whenever it arrives. And, in the wake of #metoo, your sons should understand consent and the necessity of treating sexual partners with respect. And, all kids—young and old—need to know that they are in charge of their own bodies and are empowered to determine what feels right, safe, and comfortable for them. Teach your children to harness that inner strength and self-advocacy.
At the end of the day, together—you as parent and I as teacher—need to collaborate in order to cultivate a generation of healthy, wise, compassionate children. And, if that means biting the bullet, buckling down, and having “the talk” with your child-- my student-- once, twice, or on a consistent basis—then we have got to harness the necessary courage and go for it. Their sexual foundation depends upon it.
